VOLCANO
REVIEW DATE: 2/25/99

It goes without saying that most of the movie's I've reviewed haven't been in a theater near you lately. The same would be true with Volcano. If I had started And You Thought It Was Safe in 1997 I doubt I would waste time on Volcano. For one thing, this movie's add campaign sucks. I mean, "The Coast is Toast,"? What the hell kind of tagline is that ?!

But at least the movie's premise is original. After a montage of news report voice overs illustrated by scenes of LA waking to a new day, we are introduced to Mike Roark (Tommy Lee Jones), a worker for the OEM. Don't ask me what it means, I just know that it has something to do with city emergencies. Or maybe its just some annoying, British rock band. Who knows? Maybe script writer, Jerome Armstrong does, ask him.

Mike is called in to investigate an accident where in 7 guys are burnt to a crisp under a city park. Our female scientist ("It says right here in page three of the rule book, Jerome, "If the hero is male then there must be a female scientist". Told ya so"), Amy Barnes (Anne Heche) has a theory that a 4 point earthquake has caused a new volcano to be born underneath LA's streets. As you would suspect, Mike isn't to hot (get it?) on this idea so he dismisses it. Boy, does he have egg in his face when the La Brea Tar Pits start to spit lava up into the street.

Ya know, this movie has a lot of things going for it. I mean, for one thing you have Tommy Lee Jones, which is a definite plus. It has kick ass special effects, which is another plus. The CGI lava looks like real lava as far as I'm concerned. Hell (get it?), this movie even has John Corbett. Ya know. . .John Corbett. He's the guy from the TV show Northern Exposure, who, whenever you recognize him in a movie you point at him and go "Hey, its that guy from Northern Exposure."

So, with all these things in its corner, how does it manage to be just okay?

Well, first of all, this is not a good Tommy Lee Jones movie. Mike Roark is just to normal a person for a guy like Jones to play. I'm not putting the guy down or anything, but lets face it, Jones just can't play normal people. The character of Agent K from Men In Black, that is the kind of person who Tommy Lee Jones plays. That dude from The Fugitive, that's who Jones plays. Mike Roark. . .no. Sorry, Tommy, better luck next time.

Anne Heche is. . .a female scientist. She's cute and perky and that's about it. She's almost a carbon copy of Julianne Moore's character from The Lost World, except she has blond hair. If your not a fan of Julianne Moore (I'm not exactly. . .at least, not a fan of her whole body, though she has great legs) then you might not like our female scientist much.

If Tommy Lee Jones is miscast then Keith David is completely wasted by this movie. You know Keith, he was in two great alien movies of the early 80's The Thing and They Live (humm. . .both of which start with he letter "T". . .conspiracy, anyone?). After that he did a bunch of movies that I doubt anyone can remember, and even stooped so low as doing a Full Moon production once (The Puppet Masters) before getting back on the horse and getting into voice acting. His most recent work has been the voice of Spawn on the animated series of the same name. He was even in Armageddon. Here however, he doesn't even show up from half the movie, and even then he just stands and orders people around (he plays a, cop by the way). Kinda like in Armageddon.

And then there's Gaby Hoffman as Mike's annoying daughter, Kelly. When talking about children in other movie's I've usually said "At least he/she isn't annoying". Well, Gaby Hoffman is annoying. At least she's good looking' but that can't balance out lack of acting skill. Just look at Sharon Stone.

John Corbett has about 6 lines in the whole movie. Another waste.

But hey, there are good things about this movie, too. Director Mick Jackson keeps the whole enterprise movie at a brisk pace without being rushed. Most of the little "in jokes" about life in LA are funny and come at just the right time (especially the song "I love LA" by Randy Newman, that plays as the end credits roll). And there even are a few times where Tommy Lee Jones gets to shine. Not often, but at least they're there.

So, is Volcano worth your cash? I think so. It did manage to entertain me for its 90 minute running time without making me yawn. The acting isn't that great, the few great actors in the cast aren't given much to do, and the script doesn't develop it's own characters that well. However, the special effects are good, people are seen running and screaming in terror, and lots of stuff goes "boom" with fairly good regularity. And in a disaster movie, that's what counts.

RATING (OUT OF A POSSIBLE FIVE)

JUST DON'T EXPECT MUCH.

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