EARTH VS. THE SPIDER

REVIEW DATE: 2/10/99

Okay, here we go with another American giant monster (daikaiju) movie, the one genre few other movie critics dare to review (alright, maybe "bother to review" is a better way to end that sentence). This genre has produced some real stinkers and some marginally good stuff, but only one of it's ilk has managed to be completely good.

Earth vs. The Spider is not that movie. Not even close.

We begin on a dark and not so stormy night through which drives a man. About 5 seconds after he comes on screen his car is stopped by a strand of rope, er, web, and black paint is squirted into his face.

The next day we meat Carol Flynn (June Kenny) and her boytoy Mike (Eugene Persson). Carol just happens to be the daughter of our First Victim and is mighty worried when daddy dearest doesn't return home. After convincing Mike to help her the two drive down the country road and discover dad's car. Or what's left of it. They fallow the trail of auto parts to a near by cave (which is pretty well lit for a cave) and find a giant spider waiting for them (surprise!).

After running like mad the two youths convince the Sheriff (Gene Roth), their science teacher, Mr. Kingman (Ed Kemmer) and the local posse (various extras) to return to the spider cave with them. Upon returning, they discover Mr. Flynn's dehydrated corpse and our main protagonist. In the resulting battle a Pest Control Man (Bob Garnet) manages to blast the bugger with DDT and, for lack of anything else big enough, the sheriff carts The Spider back to town and puts it on display in the high school gym (!).

Like I've said before any giant organism (man, ape, man-ape, and especially lizard)+ urban area= CHAOS. Sure enough (after some too long exposition) the monster is revived by rehearsal of a local rock group (do I detect a message here?) and goes on a rampage as it moves back to its cave home.

Unfortunatly Carol and Mike have gone back to the cave in search of a piece of lost jewelry and are trapped in the cave with The Spider. The local cops, unaware of their presence, blow the entrance up, sealing them in with spiddy.

However, this is the 50s and all endings must be happy ones. After some digging its Mr. Kingman to the rescue. Trapping The Spider between two electrodes, they effectively create a giant bug zapper, insuring that this time The Spider is really dead. Honest.

Well, what can I say? This is a giant monster movie from the 50's so its nothing new to me. The plot isn't daringly original, but it does kick around some original elements here and there. The Spider is actually quite well executed, even for the 50's. What they did here was, instead of building a full scale model spider (like what was done with Them) the SPFX guys behind Earth vs. The Spider instead used blue screen and spliced a spider into the frame, after increasing its size by filming it up close The Spider appears to be about 20 feet tall. The only problem I have is the fact that, for close up shots and shots in which The Spider had to interact with the cast,  little puppet legs that look nothing like the real animal's legs where used.

On to acting. Again, this is a giant monster movie from the 50's and I get pretty much what I expect in the acting department. I could cut up most of the performances in this movie and would find that they would heat my house quite nicely in the winter. Does June Kenny have facial expressions, or did early plastic surgery technology leave her muscles incapable of movement?   Eugene Persson is a little better (he has facial expressions) but thanks to the script by Bret I Gordon (the director who gave us War of the Colossal Beast, another almost good movie) and László Gorog (I'm not even gonna try and pronounce that one) his character is just so stupid that I can't bring myself to care much about him. Same goes for the rest of the cast.

To make matters worse, the downside of the low tech FX used here is that The Spider just can't interact with the cast or any sets. As a result, we never actually see The Spider smash anything, simply the aftermath. And the aftermath is a bit unsatisfying since not much is destroyed. Monster fans expecting something Godzilla-like will be disappointed. Movie fans expecting good acting, sound scripts, or good directing will want their money back.

RATING (OUT OF A POSSIBLE FIVE)

RENT WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST INSTEAD. SOME COMPLEMENT, HUH?

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