Eve was born unto this world clean and without sin. In the winter of my life thorns grew deep into my soul. I was not born with these thorns. They may have been planted into my body but they grew into every crack of my life. I lived in a continual winter. Even after escaping the actual abuse the next question is how do I escape from the world the abuse put me in? How do I stop having nightmares? How do I make the panic attacks leave? How do I learn to not be afraid of touch? How do I learn to respect sex? How do I learn to think I am okay? When is it I stop wanting to die?
I tried years of counseling, anti-depressant drugs, group therapy and countless other things. Still my nights were still filled with terror, love with my husband was still frightening, and I still believed my life was worthless. I struggled with faith in God, and at times spit curses to him for letting me be tortured in such a way. I tried to run away from the Lord. I stopped going to chruch. I stopped reading the Bible. I stopped talking to my christian friends. His love kept trying to break through the barriers I had set.
The Lord sent me light buoy's in my darkness. One of them brought me back to church. She took me through the steps to freedom. It was then I learned something.
Sex forms a spiritual bond. Sex was forced upon me by my father and grandfather. How was I ever to leave those thorns behind if the bond was still intact??
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