OUR PRESS RELEASE SECTION;

TYLER SARGENT
East Lyme- Tyler Sanderson Sargent, infant son of Edward and Lisa Brand Sargent of King Arthur Drive, Niantic, died Monday at Yale-New Haven Hospital.
Besides his mother and father, he is survived By a sister, Megan Rose Sargent; his paternal Grandparents, Kenneth Sargent of Gales Ferry and Sally Sargent of Arlington, Va.; and His maternal grandparents, Charles and Jean Brand Of Mystic.
A graveside service will be held at 11 a.m. Friday in Maplewood Cemetery, Route 82, Norwich. There are no calling hours. Donations In his memory may be made to the N.B.S.C.U. Children's Hospital at Yale, Att. Dr. Ian Gross, 20 York St., New Haven, 06504 Fulton-Theroux Funeral Service, 13 Lake Ave., Niantic, is in charge of the arrangements.


This was the saying on the back of Tyler's card.

A man dreamt he was walking along the beach With the Lord. For each scene of his life, he saw Two sets of footprints in the sand, his and the LORD's. As the last scene flashed, he looked Back at the footprints. Many times there was only One set. He noticed it was at the very lowest times In his life. He said, "LORD, you once said if I Followed you, you'd walk with me to the end. During the most troublesome times, I saw only one set. I don't know why when I needed you the most you Weren't there." The LORD said, "My precious child, I love you and would never leave you. In your times of Trial when you saw only one set of footprints, it Was then that I carried you."

Connor's Obituary

CONNOR SARGENT
East Lyme- Connor Edward Sargent, infant Son of Edward S. and Lisa Brand Sargent, of 7 Chris Alan Drive, died Sept. 29, 1998 at the Lawrence & Memorial Hospital.
He is survived by two sisters, Megan Rose And Sarah Elisabeth Sargent; maternal Grandparents, Charles and Jean Brand of Mystic, Paternal grandparents, Kenneth J. Sargent of Gales Ferry and Sally Sanderson Sargent of Arlington, Va.
He was predeceased by a brother, Tyler Sanderson Sargent.
A graveside service was held at Maplewood Cemetery, Norwich.
Memorial Contributions may be made To the Lawrence & Memorial Hospital Neo-Natal Unit, 365 Montauk Ave., New London, CT., 06320
The Fulton-Theroux Funeral Home, 181 Ocean Ave., New London, was in charge of arrangements.

This obituary appeared two weeks after Connor died, because we where told they don't print obituaries of infants that are stillborn. We could pay for a death notice, which is much smaller
and not as many people read them. This infuriated us and prompted Ted to write a letter to the Editor, which you can read below.

STILLBORN DESERVE OBITUARIES

To the Editor of The Day:

Recently, my wife and I suffered the worst tragedy parents could imagine, the loss of a child. We have two living children; we lost a son on Feb. 12, 1996, and lost another son on Sept. 29. It is an indescribable pain that my wife and I are going through. First, I want to thank Dr. Mayeda and all the nursing staff at Lawrence &Memorial Hospital Labor and delivery for their help in this very painful time in our lives. My wife was 40 weeks pregnant (one day past her due date)when we found out our son had Died before being born. All of our friends, co-workers and acquaintances were very aware of what was supposed to be a joyous day sometime in late September: Close friends and co-workers, Of course, found out the terrible news, but it is very painful to run into well-meaning people who knew you were pregnant and they ask you how your baby is doing, you must be so happy. With tears in your eyes, you tell them the horrible news and they feel guilty and my wife and I feel horrible. It is hard to go anywhere for fear of this being repeated over and over. When our son Tyler died in 1996, there was an obituary in the paper and most people read the newspaper and found out this way.
Tyler died very shortly after birth; however, our son Connor died shortly before birth. Imagine our horror when the funeral home told us that The Day does not print obituaries for babies that are stillborn. Having the obituary in the paper helps people know about our loss and when a memorial service will be. This is not a time when we want to send out announcements about our son's death. The Day said we could run a death notice, at our expense, which is smaller and few people notice. I sincerely hope none of the decision-makers at The Day have or ever will suffer the loss my wife and I did, but being able to run an obituary in the paper is one small bit of help to grieving parents. I am at a loss as to why the fact that my second son died shortly before birth at 40 weeks should have any bearing as to whether or not you will print an obituary. Edward and Lisa Sargent East Lyme

Editor's Note: The Day thanks Mr. and Mrs. Sargent for bringing this important issue to its attention and will publish obituaries of stillborn infants in the newspaper. Connor Sargent's obituary appeared in The Day on Tuesday, Oct. 13.

The Day had received three letters in reference to printing obituaries of stillborn infants, one from us, my sister and our close friends. After much insistence they agreed to print ours. I know by writing this article it has helped us in releasing some anger and it has helped others who have experienced a stillborn. At least something positive has come from us losing Connor.

Our counselor gave this saying to us and it appeared on the back of Connor's card:
Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond's glint on snow. I am the sunlight on ripening grain, I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet Birds in circled flight, I am the Soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die.

We have also planted trees in memory of our boys. They are located at the hospital where I work and where Connor died. Each plaque will read;
In Loving Memory of Our Son Tyler Sanderson Sargent
And Connor's will read; In Loving Memory of Our Son Connor Edward Sargent.

I will also be donating the book Dear Cheyenne to Labor and Delivery to be given out to parents who have suffered a loss. The books are being donated in memory of our boys, Tyler and Connor. I know it has helped me to be able to help others, at least something positive will come from our devastating losses.

This is another letter written by my husband to deal with his grief and it was sent to the local newspaper, To the Editor. We are hoping that it gets printed the week of Christmas. Ted wrote this as a surprise for me.

To the Editor of The Day:

The holiday season is a time of great joy and happiness for most people. Holiday parties, exchanging gifts and sending and receiving cards from friends and relatives brings good times to many people. The holidays are particularly joyous for children and their parents. Nothing makes a parent feel better than watching their child play with a new toy or wear new clothes. Unfortunately, for some parents the holidays are a very painful time. For a parent who has suffered the loss of a child at any age the holidays are trying times. Nearly everyone has gone through the tragedy of losing a loved one and around holidays his or her grief is a little bit deeper. For a parent who has suffered the loss of a child these holiday times are very painful. Holidays are times when parents are shopping for their children and grandchildren, planning family get-togethers, mailing out cards among many activities. For a parent who has lost a child either recently or years ago, there is a constant emptiness that deepens during the holidays. They are unable to do many of the things they so desperately want to do for their children who aren't here. One of the most painful things is that well-intentioned people never ask how the parents are coping with holidays, there is no mention of the child who has died. Parents of a child who has died don't want to bring anyone down during this joyous time; they just want a quick mention of the child who has died, to let the parents know that someone is thinking of them. If you know of a parent who has suffered the tragedy of losing a child this past year, last year or years in the past a quick mention in a card or conversation would go a long way in making the bereaved parents holiday a little easier to enjoy.
Thank you, Edward Sargent

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