This page is concerned with recovery generally and its many aspects. It gives an outline of the process and its stages.
Recovery for any abuse, is the process of freeing oneself from an abusive situation and its effects . We cope with the lies and violence and can work through the memories to be rid of them. Ritual abuse recovery follows the same steps.
The stages generally are: awareness of being abused either currently or in the past. This comes from memories and/or finding information eg newspapers and survivors. The second stage is acceptance and validation that the abuse exists. Ritual abuse survivors generally need to validate these memories or current situation more as the cult attempts to stop memory of it, and society generally hasnt accepted it. The next stage is finding safety from cult intimidation and brainwashing . This is important for feeling safe within oneself in order to work on the memories and the indoctrination. The fourth stage is survivorship when the survivor empowers him/herself so that she/he controls his/her life. This basically is about working through the indocrination process(programming) or deprogramming, and working on the memories of the cult activities and how you/the survivor were forced into them. It can be done alone, however, all survivors I have talked to have seen it close to necessary to get support from a counsellor, other survivors, literature, the internet, workshops, support groups, videos etc. The last stage is breaking away from this support network and establishing an independent life that is not seriously affected by the abuse. These stages are not fixed. Eg a person can be in therapy for non specific reasons and then get memory and then follow the stages. They are the general pattern of what survivors go through.
What is specific about ritual abuse is the cult/group ideology/practice, and the past and current secrecy. Understanding the cult ideology, structure, roles, etc enables an awareness of the organization in order to let it go. We can see what the evil was intended for and how it was organized. The secrecy is instilled by the cult through lies and false threats, and implanting suspicion that the 'outside world' "is corrupt". Also society generally hasnt revealed the criminality. This means a continuous need for validation of what seems like hazy memories and/or current abuse. It also means maintaining safety from a very secretive mafia style organization.
The major concern from the secrecy is that survivors sometimes feel very alone . We come from a very secretive group and the abuse is not generally accepted. We sometimes feel the specific styles of brainwashing and abuse, being forced to kill, anti or perverse societal ideologies, etc are exotic and extreme and not existing elsewhere in society. The indoctrination intends to set us apart and disrupt support from counsellors, friends, professionals, the media, other survivors, etc.
However, if we are to look closely we are only at one end of a societal continuum of abuse and are similar to all people in society. In Australia and the western capitalist world, people are conditioned to kill or be killed if they do not adhere to this economic system. This is evident in wars, the abuse of the army if workers strike, poor health and safety at the workplace, advertising of cancer causing products such as cigarettes, pitting workers against each other eg women and men with domestic violence and gay versus straight, dangerous sports, etc. Ritual abuse survivors also suffer from this general coercion as well.
We specifically are also very similar to survivors from other destuctive organizations and have to work through similar abuse. First of all there are known homicidal organizations, that are privately organized, such as the Ku Klux Klan. Then there are publically or state controlled ones such as the army. We are also like survivors from organized crime such as the mafia and its child and adult pornography, human trade (selling people on the black market for pornography or murder), "snuff movies' or filmed actual murders, illegal drug production and selling, money laundering, etc. We are similar to survivors from brainwashing (mind control) development eg experiments and abuse in the defence forces which abused it for espionage and otheractivities.The cultsoriginally obtained the information from the defence forces through placement of cult members.
In this page the terms victim and survivor are used and are simply defined and explained as there are different needs for both. A victim is seen as someone who is currently abused by the cult or is badly affected by its results. Such effects could be long term hospitalization, long term irrational behaviour, long term forced unemployment, etc. Victims have little control over stopping the abuse and/or its effects. They are brainwashed that "nothing is/was happening" or lied to that "they don't have the ability to leave". These lies are through cult threats, eg "a person in the family will be killed", "that people wont believe them", "that they only belong in the cult", etc. The victim maybe be unaware of their abuse in that they do not have a conscious knowledge. They may have personalities who are split off and then contact and are abused. Or they may be seeing it and trapped. Or it was in the past and societal invisibility did not allow them to recognize it. It is therefore obviously very important to strive for safety.
Survivorship happens when the all important safety is achieved and therefore begin the stages of recovery. Both victims and survivors are always desiring and creating recovery whether they are being intimidated or abused by the cult. Changing from being a victim to a survivor is what guarantees effective freedom. Safety happens when one sees and validates the abuse and creates a safe space.
There are also many different forms of abuse within the cults/groups and this has affected victims/survivors differently. The recovery movement has identified differing needs to address the different forms.First victims/survivors can be abused without their conscious knowledge within the mind control. They do not know. This is deliberate by the cult so that people cant tell others. It can therefore be very difficult to assist these people and needs much explanation, use of supportive contradictions eg as to where they were at specific times, encouraging getting memories, etc. They cannot escape unless they are explained things. Some survivors/victims are conscious and cannot escape because they have been frightened by the lies and supposed threats. They need to be supported by explaining that they are lies and the threats can be overcome. Reading about other survivors escapes or talking to survivors and their counsellors are two good ways.
Survivors can also be "multiple" and have many personalities, or "singleton" and see the world from one view. Multiplicity is very common for people who were indoctrinated with the recent (1950s onwards) programming that organized dissociated (split off) and multiple personalities. The person views life both from many personalities' angles and within a specific personality. An important aspect of recovery here can be integration where the person wishes to view life from a whole. Each personality has thoughts that originate from the core person. The person may not wish this oneness and instead want to be multiple as it provides many points of view. "Singletons" do not feel there are parts of themselves with distinct personalities, parts which hold distinct memories, or parts that speak through them. All of what is inside their head "feels" like themselves, and they view life as "one". An issue that has come up for singletons is feeling isolated as most survivors who have come forward have been abused within a multiplicity form.
Victims/survivors come from many different ideologies/religions. The ones we know in the west, and possibly the east, are satanic, masonic, druidic, celtic, nazi, neo nazi, perverted christianity and extreme nationalism (government). There maybe many we do not know about and need to be educated on. The common aspect is of a megalomania or "master race" ideology where the cult/group will supposedly "rule the world". For example, in government secretive mind control programs, the slaves were/are to be abused to supposedly increase the country's and its controllers' power. In satanic groups, it was to increase the cult's and its leaders' power. In both cases, the controllers and leaders were corrupt, wealthy business/land owners.
Class, Gender, Sexuality, Race/Ethnicity, Ability and Age affect the victim's/survivor's abilities. It exists as both the situation eg working class people have less money and resources, and as conditoning eg middle class people are told they cant talk publically about abuse.
Class There are four main classes- capital- owning large scale companies/land, middle- professional and administrative labour and dependant small businesses, working-technical and physical labour, and poor- charity/welfare dependant. Capital and middle class people can generally pay for private therapy and therefore have choices. They can also afford to subsidise survivor groups/movement. The conditioning however is to keep things very private and so need to speak out more. Poor and working class people cannot afford private therapy and are more dependant upon govt funded and medicare accepting therapists. They need to "shop" around more. They can also speak up more as they see injustice everywhere and generally speak out against it.
Gender is male and female and transgender from male to female and female to male. The abuse happens to all genders in the same numbers and with the same violence. The difference lies in that girls/women have violence connected to menstruation and pregnancy. Both genders suffer parenting violence ie their children are killed. The cult also enlarges the general societal conditioning of making particularly working class boys/men violent and angry and working class girls/women passive and manipulative. Both genders suffer shame, guilt, fear, excessive anger and are intimidated by the cult/organization. Both genders are told lies about the other and need to stop the arranged conflict particularly in combatting ritual abuse and getting societal support. Girls/women need to tend to fight the administrative systems more and not go into a victim mode. Feminism has been important in girls/women thinking "they can do anything". Boys/men need to become more emotional again to work through the memories and to organize and speak out publically that we too are raped and victimised. Men also need to work on the lies fed them that they are "naturally" violent and sex addicts. Transgenderism as cross dressing is frequently abused within the cults for pornography and prostitution and for the ceremonies. There is a need to reclaim it for its fun and theatrics value. Transgenderists have also been cast wrongly as perverted and within a cult ideology- vampires etc. Many victims/survivors have transgender personalities and which is not an issue. Only society and its strict definitions of gender make it an issue. Many victims/survivors are transgender, and the general concerns that society makes for transgender people does not need to happen within the victim/survivor community. Listen to and act on the needs and wants of transgender people.
Sexuality There are three main sexualities- homosexuality-gay,lesbian,queer,etc; heterosexuality- straight, and bisexuality- bi, queer. Male homosexuals have been treated very badly by society and have been labelled as perverts- sex addicts, rapists and pedophiles. There is nothing about homosexuality that makes a sex abuser/child sex abuser. Female homosexuals have also been cast wrongly as cult like- eg vampires. Again there is nothing about homosexuality that conditions this. Male heterosexuals have been wrongly cast as uncontrollable sex addicts, and female heterosexuals have also been wrongly cast as promiscuous. There is nothing about heterosexuality that "causes" these. Bisexuals have been stereotyped as unfaithful and promiscuous. Bisexuals, who are open, are faithful.
Race/Ethnicity incorporates both cultural values, and economic/political power in how the specific nation's and international economies treat races eg Aboriginal people are treated as poor/working classes. Specific cultural values around class, gender, sexuality, etc can hinder or help people. For example, women from many Asian countries find it difficult to get counselling because they would be breaking family taboos. There needs to be a maintained universal human recognition and practice that everyone has a right to counselling. Economic valuing based on class needs to be addressed in terms of class and fighting for more control of wealth and resources. The state should divert more funds for counselling, etc.
Physical, Psychological and Intellectual Ability is concerned with the actual ability, caused by social and natural forces, and its limitations; the stigma attached to them and how being in a particular class can affect their expression. Everyone has certain finite abilities. The trick is to not let these abilities determine everything. Ideas and concepts such as love etc are more important and overcome finiteness. Assistance is needed by someone else when there are limitations that affect the general well being and these can be provided by the state and/or employment. Being lower middle, working class and poor means relying on the state and so therefore there is a need to push and make use of services.
Age is also seen in terms of abilities and use of experience, and the stigma attached to it. Many younger people feel that they do not have the power to escape and work on the abuse as society says that young people are not powerful and cannot make decisions. This is not the case. Young people are very competent people. Middle aged people are told that they should not work on abuse as they are told by society they should be "upstanding being in their prime and forget about personal growth". This is a lie. Noone should have to put up with abuse and middle aged people need to have a wholesome personal life. Many older survivors feel that it is unimportant to work on abuse as they are told by society that they are "going to die". It needs to be remembered that older people are living and need to have a good life free from abuse and its effects like everyone.
There are five main stages, and which, as said, do not necessarily have to be in order. The aim of the stages is to fulfill the needs of escaping the abuse and working on it so that we control all the aspects of our lives- emotions, work, relationships, self esteem, housing, etc.
There are important considerations when working through the stages. These are doing memory work, haviong professional support, having general support and stopping guilt.
Memory Work Working through memories is a major aspect within all the stages.Cult memories are basically either of programming/brainwashing sessions or the abuse at ceremonies, prostitution/pornography, forced cult roles, in the home, etc, etc. All are generally of a violent nature.
Working through these memories means the desire to get rid of them. There are many approaches to take and they depend upon your/the survivor's wants and needs. A basic understanding is that memories come up when you/the survivor wishes to get rid of them. This could be as nighttime or daytime dreams and as visual rememberances. They are valid. The extremely violent and bizzare nature of ritual abuse particularly means that they could not be "made up". They could either be recent or from a long time ago. What is happening is that you dont want them anymore.
In the inital stages of survivorship, you/the survivor generally wants to have many memories in order to both understand yourself/the survivor and to stop or lessen any programming/brainwashing where the cult is trying to control you/the survivor. You/the survivor maybe constantly having memories to the point where it seems like 'flooding' and this is understandable.
During survivorship generally, you/the survivor either responds to particular needs during crisis periods such as telling others etc, and there is a feeling of urgency. When there are no crisis periods, there is a general and easier want to not have the abuse memories.
Memories can be both real and fabricated by the cult/organization/programmers. The best thing is to not listen to the cult/organization/programmers but to see what and hear what is really happening. For example, the cults/organizations/programmers will lie that your mum has been killed, that your brother is there etc when in fact they were not. You could be lied to that there is "cult activity happening is this particular place" when it is actually happening elsewhere. There are real memories of cults/organizations killing people, raping children including possibly yourself, of abusing people for pornography and prostitution, of programming people abusing electricity for example, of killing animals, etc.
Generally, how far one goes in bringing back and working on these memories depends on how much you/the survivor wants the truth and wants to be free from an abusive background. In deprogramming or working through the indoctrination and programming, it is very important to have the truth so that you/ the survivor will not get accessed (rung/written either nonconsciously or consciously) and therefore controlled by the cult/organization/programmers. With memories of the cult/organization activities which you were forced into there is a greater choice about working on the memories. These are memories of a past abuse and not a matter of you being controlled currently or in the future by the cult/organization. Psychiatrists, counsellors, therapists, etc beleive that it is not necessary to work through all past memories to have a good life. They are in the past. You can work on them in order to get an understanding of what the cult/organization did and to overcome any threats by the cult/organization to stop you remembering them. You can work on them in order to feel healthy so thay you dont have any past emotional or psychological "baggage". You can try and piece your life together and get an understanding of it. You can get some information that will help society and the police, media, legal institutions, etc get some specific and general information about ritual crime. What is important is that you/the survivor have a functional and manageable life and you can work on as much of the past that will make this happen for you/the survivor today./P>
Working through memories requires firstly a safe space both externally and internally. It means Cult lies and the truth.
Many survivors think that they will be arrested if they come out of the cult and go to an accepting professional/police seeking assistance. This is not the case. Professionals and the police correctly sees this person as a victim who has escaped and is giving them valuable information. Survivors are like people escaping a totalitarian regime for want of a better comparison. They were forced to be there and escaped when they could. This line of false thinking is also programming/brainwashing by the cult. In seven years of survivorship, talking to police, including superintendents and professionals, and going to royal commissions, etc, I have never been charged for what I was forced to do. Neither have at least two hundred other survivors that I have talked to.
By talking to a counsellor you are not putting anybody else at risk. A counsellor is someone where the information you tell him/her will stay only with that person. You do not need to worry that it will go to the police or another professional if you dont want it to.
Even though it may feel very lonely at times when in recovery, in fact there is support everywhere. We just dont either know it or havent reached out. From twenty four hour telephone counselling at Lifeline to someone in a bar, from friends and concerned people, from other survivors on a webpage, from a concerned priest, politician, journalist, etc, there are people who will listen. You do not have to say you are a ritual abuse survivor if you are worried that you wont be believed. You can say that you are a sexual assault/rape survivor and most people believe that these days. The real issue that stops survivors from talking is the lies the cult forced us into thinking. These are that we "will not be believed", "people will think we are mad", etc, etc. People do believe us now, and we can also rationally explain things to intelligent people who havent, as yet, accepted it. Ritual abuse is about organized killing and war is about organized killing. We can say what is the difference?
One of the hardest things for a victim/survivor to work on is the supposed "guilt" from either being forced to do cult activities, from escaping and leaving family and friends or from living after seeing people killed. You/the survivor are not and will never be responsible for these cult atrocities and for family and friends. The atrocities were organized by the cult and you were forced into them by the programming that you/the survivor are now having to also work on. You did not have a choice in being taken to cult activities and having to have to watch and be forced to participate. The cult would not let you leave the places either physically or because it controlled your mind. You could not go elsewhere. You cannot go back to where your family and friends are and free them. This is against the law as it is kidnapping. You can only inform them that they are being abused and when they see that this is the case then they can ring/write to you. The cult only abuse the family as bait to get you back. It does not care about you and your family and friends. You could consider asking the question as to whether the cult/organization would see you and your family/friends living together where you escaped to. This is natural and your family and friends would be free from the cult/organization as well. It would say no, as it only wants you back in the cult place and then would cause conflict between you and the family as it has always done.
A victim/survivor gets an awareness of currently being abused and/or it happening the past. This comes from a memory or seeing the actuality. The memory maybe of a ritual ceremony or of being electrocuted or being raped or molested, etc. The awareness can be positively triggered by reading a book or seeing a movie that has similar abuse either as fiction or fact eg The Exorcist. It can come from meeting a survivor- for example in an incest survivors group, from reading a newspaper article; etc. What happens is that a memory comes up.
We then accept that memory depending on how much belief we have that it did/does exist. The cult/organization specifically attempts or attempted to stop people from remembering the abuse through false threats and physical abuse such as electrocution. Society has also not made it visible and accepted. This is a differing aspect to other forms of abuse. Ritual abuse survivors therefore need to do a lot of work in validating their memories.
The process of acceptance can have many ways- using intuition, searching out information from similar forms eg church sexual abuse, trusting feelings into why I am/the survivor is similar to another survivor, comparisons to other situations, body memories- why do I/the survivor ache in this part of the body, fear of specific places of the abuse eg a church or a basement etc. It rests on having general confidence.This comes from simply being confident or beleiving in yourself, and from support by loving family, friends, counsellors, ritual abuse survivors, and survivors from all forms of abuse not only ritual. For many survivors, family or family members maybe the perpetrators, and so there is a strong need to look beyond this. This process of acceptance and validation can either be a long or short and the important aspect is knowing yourself.
It can be internal- knowing from your own feelings and memory that it exists/existed, and external- talking to a survivor, a supporter (eg counsellor), reading a book, searching the internet, etc. With people who have many separate personalities, some personalities may accept that it happens and others not. If the controlling personalities do not accept, then overall, the person doesnt accept. The aim is to support all the personalities and particularly those that are lied to. Educate and challenge, and overall, support and love them. Validation is very important continuously as there is so much invisibility of ritual abuse. When a person accepts that ritual abuse did/does occur, s/he begins to make conscious strategies which involve safety and support.
The next stage is safety. This is obtained by stopping or lessening cult intimidation and creating a free space from which to build and expand ones recovery . For ritual abuse victims/survivors who are currently abused, safety is a physical and psychological necessity. Victims can be harassed with death threats or have pets killed, etc. Cults are not the same though and not all victims/survivors have been intimidated. Escaping the cult is similar to escaping the mafia. Survivors/victims are viewed by the cult as slaves who have lots of information and skills which the cult wants. The survivor/victim also knows the names of the perpetrators and places of the abuse.
Safety is a personal place in one self where the cult and its brainwashing and abusive memories cannot psychologically get to. The aim is to create a more solid safe place in ones self. This is the free, creative, untouched, analytical, joyous, childlike, adventurous, soulful nature of yourself. From this base you can start to work on the memories and the brainwashing. If you feel you are not in touch with this, take time out, go for a walk, do enjoyable and creative things, etc. Think of what is important for you. How you are not like the cult. The cult can never control a person totally. For instance you can walk from one room to another by your own self.
Safety often means physically escaping to another area that is a long way from the cult. The cult has its brainwashing methods and technology in a particular place and the programmers/brainwashers know the different personalities and programs. They have abused these methods and knowledge and are wanting to maintain that the victim/survivor stays there. The cult also can harass more easily in its local area. The cult will not use a lot of money and time to send its members to another place looking for someone who has escaped. It is simply not worth it for them. Instead they will rely on family cult members to harass. Escaping to another area means that you can escape the programming and programmers. Its also means a fresh place where there are no cult memories and triggers. Some victims/survivors may feel that they can live in their cult area if they find enough support. However, we need to also understand that the brainwashing could be making the person contact the cult eg ringing and not be aware of it.
These are ways in which some victims/survivors have stopped intimidation:
Write to your immediate abuser in the cult (eg conscious involved family member)and state that you do not wish to have contact. Stress that if she/he does contact then this is seen as intimidation and the matter passed on to lawyers. Lawyers can issue letters of demand that specify that you do not want contact or press for an apprehended violence order (called an avo) through a court. An avo specifically stops any written, telephone, internet or face to face contact and is supported by the police. Both are relatively easy to get. A letter of demand can be simply written by a lawyer and a court will grant avos when a person shows some form of intimidation. Lawyers know how to get an avo very quickly. The avo particularly is treated very seriously by the police. (Lawyers can be free or very cheap for people on a health care card eg pension, unemployment benefit, sickness benefit,study assistance (abstudy, austudy, youth allowance, etc), youth allowance, low income, etc in Australia. Just ring Legal Aid in each state.) You do not have to explain eg as a cult survivor, why you do not want contact. The courts or police cannot demand a reason from you for why you are being harassed. This is simply intimidation and must stop and goes for both men and women survivors. Some survivors have said that they are sexual assault survivors (so as to not to have to explain cult stuff) which gives the police some understanding and sympathy.
If you wish to start with professional support, go to a safe, believing and respected professional eg lawyer, community worker, psychiatrist, priest, counsellor, etc. You can then simply tell the cult that you have done this without mentioning what the conversation was about. Eg "I saw a psychiatrist this morning and this professional and I do not want wish for you to have any contact with me." You may add: "If you do contact it is seen as intimidation and will be passed onto legal services eg lawyers." You do not need to inform the cult of what has been said to the professional. You have not done anything illegal (defamation or slander) or made any charges (as yet possibly) which the police can be called in for by the cult. You have simply said that you have seen a professional person and wish no further contact. If there is intimidation you can then use the letters of demand or avos as mentioned before.
In all these ways of issuing warnings and stopping harassment, there is a very serious challenge put against the cult. This is backed up by professional, court, lawyer and police support. You can control the amount of information that is said to all parties, however, the cult is not aware of how much information is going to the professional, the lawyers or the police and will feel themselves frightened. They particularly cannot afford to have their secrecy "blown", names mentioned and a legitimate police investigation. The survivor can therefore use cult secrecy to her/his advantage. The cult may try and abuse some influence with its more powerful members eg a cult lawyer, but you have the law on your side particularly with an avo. The lawyers you have talked to, the courts, the professionals and particularly the police will abide by this protection.
To not allow the cult information to where you/the survivor lives and works, etc. you/the survivor can have anonymous, fictitious or non publically accessed names, addresses and telephone numbers. Addresses can be only postal boxes with redirected addresses. The post office is very concerned about privacy and will try its hardest to ensure this. With institutional recording of addresses such as banks and social security, you/the survivor can give a post office box. When they ask for a home address with social security you/the survivor can ask for privacy whereby only the manager of the office has access. Escaping a religious organization/cult is grounds in Australia. With banks you/the survivor can ask to talk to the manager who maybe of assistance. You/the survivor could also ask a community centre, religious counselling agency, therapist, etc if their addresses can be used. You/the survivor can also make up a name as when having the phone connected. Telstra does not require identification with over the phone instillation. If you/the survivor receives intimidating calls, Telstra can change the number, sometimes free of charge. You/the survivor can also have a mobile phone with only a post office box. You/the survivor can also use an answering machine to screen calls. With email addresses you/the survivor can obtain a free and anonymous email address at an internet email address provider where you do not need to either give a street/postal address or a correct one. Some providers are: www.mail.yahoo.com, www.hotmail.com, www.mailandnews.com.
It is the brainwashing that the cult attempts to abuse the most with trying to get the survivor back. There will be lies that family or friends "have died" or "will die". These come from brainwashing setup sessions where you/the survivor had no choice. You/the survivor would prefer to not have anyone die, to have a perpetrator die in self defence, or to not have to put up with the brainwashing in the first place, etc. Real people also will not die. This has never been the case. For example, I escaped three years ago and my family are all living. No family, friends, counsellors, etc that I know have died also. It is a BIG LIE. Another lie is that there are "cult members in the new place and that you/they have to return to the old place". The reality is that there are no cult members in this free place where you/they have escaped to. The cult members are back in the old one. When escaping you may feel very anxious and distraught. There is this very strong urge to either ring or write or physically go back or suicide. DO NOT ACT ON ANY OF THESE. Brainwashing is always about lies.
The cult also does setups or acts where cult members go into the persons house and pretend that they are going to hurt them if they escape. These are done specially when we are children so the adult has a long term and mainly subconcious childhood memory of this. The best ways to work through these are: to remember that this is a drama that the cult abuses to frighten and plays particularly on a child's fears. We are adults now and can work through this memory and say it was false. We can be rational and see that we have not been intimdated in the year (for example) we have lived in the house. We can also use the law effectively. This is trespass and is taken very seriously by the police. If the survivor has also gone to a professional, lawyer, police, etc, the police will also have a firm suspect which will seriously challenge the cult.
Survivorship is the stage when you do most of the processing of memories, and stopping and undoing the programming. Its when you free yourself from the effects of the abuse.As said, it can be done alone, however, all survivors I have talked to have seen it close to necessary to get support from a counsellor, other survivors, literature, the internet, workshops, support groups, videos etc. This stage is when you deal the personal work- the uncovering of the abuse and its many parts and layers; the release of anger, sadness, joy, etc; the understanding of what is lies and truth; of developing real relationships with other people both survivors and supporters and the general population.
During survivorship there are many crisis periods. These are mainly when remembering the abuse, telling others, when being told to return to cult activities (eg Halloween for satanic survivors) and talking to, writing to or seeing cult members and/or family. There are many things you can do to take the edge off the pain.
Breathe. Breathe deeply and wriggle your toes. Rub your arms and legs. Blink hard. Keep eye contact with something such as your pet.
Make a list of your reasons NOT to kill yourself. Read it. Give a copy to your friends to read out to you when needed.
Be safe and warm. Put a blanket around you and cuddle a teddy bear. Hold onto your pet.
Make a list of things you can do to make you feel better: go out for dinner, have a bath, read a book, suck on a dummy, go for a walk. Whatever works or feels right for you.
Write in a journal.
Ring a friend.
Tell yourself that you are worth being loved. You are good.
Be proud of having survived. The fact that you are still alive after all the torture shows what an amazingly strong and lucky person you are.
Ring a crisis number and talk to them.
Deprogramming is the major process in which survivors/we undo what the cult/organization despicably trained us into. It is such a large and important process and therefore I have created a separate page for it.
On many levels, victims/survivors feel isolated from the general or non cult world. Those that are conscious of their abuse/involvement are separated at an aware level. For people who are deliberately made to be not aware of their abuse and accessing, the victims/survivors personalities live a cult life. The more one deprograms and sees the personalities, the more they see that their unconcious lives were estranged and different to the "normal world".
Cultural isolation from the general and normal world is a major issue with survivors. Satanic etc worship, major sexual abuse, organized and gratuitous killing, nighttime lives, calendars that revolve around full moons, etc are deliberately opposed to the day to day general routine of the week/weekend lives and Christian influences. Even though ritual abuse is in the continuum of abuse of wars, institutionalised and widespread sexual abuse, worker exploitation, etc, there are different cultural mores.
The last stage is breaking away from this support network and establishing an independent life that is not seriously affected by the abuse.
When a person deprograms sufficiently so that they are not constantly affected by programming and abuse memories, they can start to leave "the nest" of survivorship and have an independent life. Signs that a person has deprogrammed are: not acting out greatly eg not seeing similar looking people today as being the same as the perpetrators, and not seriously falling into the same patterns of abuse eg sexual compulsion; being real-being in touch with owns emotions and being responsible for them; if adults, having a functional and 'normal' adult life- studying, working, parenting, leisure, organized domestic life, friendships, sexual relationships, community pursuits, etc; if a young person, having a functional young person's life- studying, leisure, community interests, friendships, sexual relationships, etc.
Please note that during survivorship, the person maybe either already on his or her way to, or having some form of, an independent life. This may include part time study or work, being in a community organisation eg a church, doing the necessary aspects of life eg travelling, shopping, paying bills, etc, being recreational eg bushwalking, etc, maintaining friendships with supporters, etc, etc. These assist in having an independent life.
Functional, empowered, manageable, effervescent, the land of the living, etc are all words that can describe having an independent life. It means not being dependant upon a support group, counsellor, etc.
One can never be perfect. The effects of abuse particularly from ritual abuse can be long term and fundamental. Sometimes a survivor needs to check in occasionally with a counsellor or support group for expression and feeback. The important aspect is that the person now has a fully functional life, with the emphasis on life.