Hickbonics

 

The Texas School Board  has decided that Southern slang, or "Hickbonics,"
is to be taught in all Southern schools. The following are excerpts from
the Hickbonics/English dictionary:


HEIDI  - noun.  Greeting.

HIRE YEW - complete sentence.  Remainder of greeting.  Usage: Heidi,
Hire yew?"

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."  Usage: "My brother
bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun.  The State north of Florida.  Capitol is Lanner.  Usage:
"My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.  Usage:
"A tornader jes went through Bammer an'  left $20,000,000 in
improvements."

MUNTS  - noun. A calendar division.  Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard
my pickup  truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process.  Usage: "Ah thank ah'll
have a bare."

BARE  - noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."  Usage: "Them
bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.  Usage: "I thank I left
my ranch in the back of  that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a
few munts ago."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.  Usage: "I sure hope my brother
from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun.  A conflagration.  Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't
change  the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - noun.  A rubber wheel.  Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine
from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - noun.  A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't
rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - Verb.  To stop working.  Usage: "My grampaw  retard at age 65."

FAT - noun, verb.  1. a battle or combat.  2. to engage in battle or
combat.  Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm  gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - noun.  Entitled power or privilege.  Usage: "We Southerners are
willin' to fat for are rats."

FARN - adjective.  Not local.  Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed
...  must be  from some farn country."

DID - adjective.  Not alive.  Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun.  A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.  Usage: "He cain't
breathe ... give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun.  A sharp, twisted cable.  Usage: "Boy, stay away from
that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.  Usage: "Jew here that my brother
from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction.  Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert.  He
ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."

SEED - verb, past tense of "to see".

VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.  Usage: "I ain't never seed New
York City... view?"

GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution.  Usage: "Them gummit boys
shore are  ignert."

Last Updated by Virginia Young on Thursday, 27 February, 2003 at 8:54 PM.

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