The clouds had opened up showering sheets of heavy rain, when the old lady was spotted by a highway patrolman weaving back and forth across the median. She was promptly pulled over.
"Ma"am, don't you think it would help to have your wipers on in rain like this?" asked the officer.
"I don't think so" she sheepishly responded "I left my glasses at home today."

"The Story Behind Golf"

The golfers story behind why he plays golf; The short version: I hate golf. I hate golf. I hate golf. "Hey, nice shot. "I love this game.

I often wondered why men wanted to go out and hit their balls as far as they could and chase them down, just to hit them again!! Why???? Well now I know, they can't get the dog to go get it and bring it back. he he he he

"Take Me Out to the Ball Game"

After the game, one of the die-hard fans of the losing team decided to give the umpire a few of his thoughts.
"Hey ump." shouted the fan, "What brand of dog food do you feed you dog?"
"I'm afraid you are mistaken," responded the umpire, "I don't have a dog."
The fan continued "well, your're the first blind man I've ever met without one."

"John Can't Read"

Little Johnny was asked by his eye doctor to read the bottom line of the eye chart. He squirmed and then admitted that he could not. The doctor then asked him to read the line above, to which again the little boy said that he could not. "Son, can you read anything on this chart?" asked the doctor. "The letters are XZPTVCH" announced the boy, "But I'm afraid I can't read Russian."

"Great Fortunes"

It takes a great deal of boldness mixed with a vast amount of caution to acquire a great fortune. It also takes ten times as much wit to keep it once we have it than what it took to make it.

"Salesmanship"

A refrigerator sales and repair shop in South Bend posted a sign in their window to increase business: "Don't go anywhere else to be cheated. Come here first!"

"The English Patient"

When a member of the faculty of a London Medical college was appointed to be the honorary physician to the Queen of England, he proudly wrote a message of his appointment and posted it on the faculty notice board. "Professor Jenks informs the faculty of the appointment as honorary physician to her Majesty, The Queen, to take effect at the end of this school term." By the afternoon someone had written below the notice "God Save The Queen!"

"Things That Make YOu Go Hmmmm"

-Ever notice that by the time you finnnnish packing and loading the bags for your family, you need a vacation?
-That after you make a down payment on that luxury item, it changes into an item of neccessity.
-That those prople who still believe that bathing daily is optional are the same people who live alone.
-That after a vacation, the old four walls you needed to et away from have changed back to the comfort of home once again.
-Would the fabled "Old Women In The Shoe" be able to afford Nikes?
-Would crabgrass take a yard if you give it an inch?
-If a mime falls in the forrest, does he make any sound?
-Did nature really make prunes more healthful than strawberries?

"An Ancient Hawaiian Saying"

When a child who is born has a perfect bowl of light. If he looks after his light, it will continue to grow allowing him to do all things. Fly with the birds, swim with the sharks and fish of the ocean, eventually able to do, see and understand all things. He is also faced with negative thoughts, deeds and feelings such as jealousy, envy, anger, and fear. These are stones that are dropped into the bowl spilling out the light. You see, stone and light can't survive innnnn the same place and light will stop growing. When the bowl if filled with stones he becomes a stone himself. When one tires of being a stone, turning the bowl upside down will empty the stones and light will start to grow again.

Come back and visit often. I will be adding new stuff as I get it.