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From the home office in Greencastle, Pennsylvania....

Top Ten Signs that Prof. Ben Culbertson is Trying to Kill You

Hey, the Art Club is not saying our sponsor, "Gentle Ben," is really trying to kill you--or you in particular, at least, but if he were, these would be the Top Ten signs....

10. You keep putting that same bumper sticker on his office door: "Wood Elfs for Bush 2004."

 9. You're the only thing that can stop his belovèd "Potters for Peace" from winning the big Canasta tourney.

 8. He offers to rent you the gas kiln--as an apartment.

 7. He's asked you, "Does this new batch of Ben's semi-matte have the same great minty taste?"

 6. It's simple self-defense: as a student in one of his Introduction to Visual Arts classes, you've naturally been trying to kill him since mid-terms.

 5. He didn't appreciate the lines you added to "Shino first/ or be cursed"--and "Nantucket" doesn't rhyme with "Culberston" anyway.

 4. Since you left the library, you're just spending too much time again in the studio. [Brian Simmons only]

 3. You continue to refuse to call his white Toyota Previa "The Mach 5."

 2. You have despoiled his cache of life-giving Devil Dogs TM.

....and the number one sign Ben Culbertson is trying to kill you:
 1. His student aides have had to remind him that he was going to kill you for the past three weeks.
 

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