BATHROOM RHYMES AND GRAFFITI
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 1
Some people come to sit and think.
Others come to shit and stink.
I come here to rest my balls and
Read the words upon the walls.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 2
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Here I sit in the misty vapor.
Someone stole the toilet paper.
I cannot wait, I cannot linger,
Watch out ass, here comes the finger!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 3
Here I sit
What a caper
I have to shit
But I'm out of paper
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 4
Some people are poor
While others are rich
But a shithouse poet
Is a son of a bitch
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 5
The painters work is all in vain
The shithouse poet strikes again
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 6
Here I sit in stinking vapor
Some son of a bitch stole the paper!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 7
Here I sit
Cheeks a flexin'
Squeezin' out
Another Texan.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 8
To the shithouse poet
When he should die,
There should be erected,
Broad and high,
For his cunning
And for his wit,
A solid monument of shit.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 9
When this tiolet cleaner finally dies,
He will find erected in the skies,
A tribute to his glorious wit,
A monument of solid shit.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 10
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 11
Better that
Than take a chance,
Costs more than a dime
To launder pants.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 12
You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 13
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 14
Here I sit
And contemplate.
Should I shit
Or masturbate?
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 15
Here I sit in dull repose,
That fart you left still burns my nose.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 16
It makes me wonder, to see such wit,
If Shakespeare had been here to shit.
Some swear they saw Shakespeare walk in,
But others say that fart was Bacon.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 17
No matter how you move
Or how you dance,
The last drop always winds up
In your pants.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 18
Give me a muff with thighs on both sides
That's furry and pink all covered with stink;
I don't even care if it's old or it's new,
Cause what the hell, it's something to screw.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 19
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 20
People who write on bathroom walls
Roll their shit into little balls.
Those who read their words of wit,
Eat those little balls of shit.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 21
Here I sit, buns a-flexin,
Just gave birth to another Texan
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 22
Here I sit
On the pooper,
Giving birth
To another state trooper.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 23
(seen during the height of the Iranian/U.S. hostage crisis)
Here I sit, buns a-strainin'
Just gave birth to another Iranian
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 24
Here I sit, so broken hearted
Paid my dime and only farted.
Yesterday though,
I took a chance,
Saved my dime,
But shit my pants.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 25
Here I sit, so broken hearted,
Paid my dime and only farted.
First a push, then a squeeze,
And out it came like melted cheese.
Then I had some prunes to eat,
And now there's shit up to the seat.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 26
(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Hillsboro Fire Department want's you.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 27
(written high upon the wall above a urinal)
Don't look up here, the joke's in your hand.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 28
Written above a urinal:
You hold in your hands your family's future.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 29
Seen above a urinal:
If you think some people are gay, look at what you're holding!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 30
(written high upon the wall)
Look up here and you're pissin' on your shoes!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 31
Sign over a urinal:
Attention, , the rock candy in the urinals is NOT for you.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 32
Sign over a urinal:
Don't eat the big mint...it's been kinda' sour the last couple times!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 33
More than two shakes and your enjoying it too much.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 34
Written on the toilet paper dispenser: "Get your sociology degree here."
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 35
Sign posted in a bathroom:
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 36
Seen above a urinal:
Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 37
There's no use standing on the seat.
The crabs in here can jump 6 feet.
There's no use going in the one next door.
The ones in there jump 6 foot four.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 38
If you wipe it more than once, you're playing with it.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 39
I do not like this place at all:
The seat is too high and the hole is too small.
[In another handwriting]
You open yourself to a simple retort:
Your ass is too big and your legs are too short.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 40
How dry I am,
How wet I'll be,
If I don't find
The bathroom key.
So I find the key,
I open the door,
Oops! too late,
It's on the floor.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 41
I sat down on the toilet to take a shit and I noticed this writing scrawled on
the wall slanted. I leaned over to read it and it said:
If you can read this, you are now shitting at a 45 degree angle...
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 42
Written on the toilet paper dispenser: 'This toilet paper is like Clint
Eastwood; They're both rough and tough and don't take shit off of anybody!'
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 43
Taking a piss at a urinal, on the wall, 'Please excuse the mess on the floor;
My aim is a little off today...' "
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 44
Ever notice hard it is to pull out toilet paper from some dispensers? Written
on one particular dispenser: 'Took me 5 minutes to shit, 15 minutes to wipe
my ass! Somebody oil this MO-FO roller!'
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 45
Notice in Men's toilet:
"We aim to please, so you aim too, please."
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 46
If you sprinkle
while you tinkle,
please be neat
and wipe the seat
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 47
Don't throw toothpicks in the urinals; crabs pole-vault!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 48
At the Los Angeles Air Force Base, the following was on the wall of one
bathroom (common bathroom for men and women):
Those with short stacks, low manifold pressure, or afterburner leakage,
please taxi up to the runway.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 49
I wish I were the toilet paper
In my girlfriend's hand
So every time she wiped
I could see the promised land!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 50
Will the asshole who leaves the floaters everyday cut the crap and flush twice.
It's a long way to LA.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 51
Scratched into the paint of the condom-dispensing machine were these words:
"Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber."
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 52
Written on one of the condom vending machines:
For refund, insert baby.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 53
Written above a urinal in the men's restroom:
"No matter how much you wiggle,
no matter how much you dance,
the last two drops go down your pants!
(I just wipe mine off with my tie)"
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 54
On the inside of a toilet door:
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 55
Support bacteria, It's the only culture most people have.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 56
Our aim is to keep the toilet clean. Your aim would be appreciated.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 57
"$1.49 - All You Can Eat" (with an arrow pointing down into the toilet)
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 58
What does toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common?
They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 59
Written above a urinal in the mens restroom:
We are urinals! We don't take no shit!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 60
In the engineering building, in small print low on the wall in the front of
the stall so you had to lean forward to read it:
You are now shitting at a 45 degree angle.
Sure enough, he was right.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 61
"Here I sat to take a dump.
Out it squirmed, a greasy lump.
Greenish-black, like melting tar
Or oil from an old used car.
It floats a moment, then it sinks.
My chunky cable - how it stinks!
My ass cheeks tremble, my sphincter sighs,
And cramps of exhaustion clench my thighs.
I weep with pride at my slimy shit,
And ROB is the name I give to it!"
- Lord Byron
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 62
In one persons handwriting -
I love Amy M.
In someone elses right below it -
Who hasn't?
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 63
I stink, therefore I am.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 64
Written on a bathroom wall:
"Question Authority"
and written beneath it:
"Why?"
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 65
A sign I saw at a swimming pool once:
We don't swim in your toilet,
so please don't pee in our pool!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 66
Another sign seen at a swimming pool:
Welcome to our ool.
Notice there's no P in it.
Please keep it that way.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 67
If you find there is no paper,
Use your finger as a scraper.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 68
Scrawled inside a toilet stall of a college chemistry building:
For a really high time, call CH3-COOH.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 69
here I sit
arms enfolding
my melting body.
I'm wondering of you
as I slowly become one
with the chair that holds me.
Here I Sit
----------
(as I slowly become one / with the chair that holds me)
:1:
Here I sit down, broken-hearted
Trying to push a yet unstarted
Poem into bright creation -
Oh, the pains of constipation!
Hours have passed, I've merely parted
Rump cheeks and effetely farted
Those weak blasts of wind excluded
Nothing concrete has extruded!
Other assholes far more shitten
In their time have poems written
Am I such a fucked up nerd
That can't shit a single turd?
:2:
As I sit disgorging vapour
My pen rests on toilet paper
Spreading ink out from its tip -
Till the fragile sheets will rip,
And create a sphinctral fissure
Which the pen, with lightest pressure,
Will advance through, triumphally
... deepening my melancholy.
Save me lord from poet's clog!
Spare me this cramped stinky bog!
This unending waiting on
A clammy bum-unfriendly john!
:3:
No! I will not sit and mope!
Yes! I'll sit, with rumbling hope
To my tum a glow imparting,
Wishing shitting, faintly farting,
Till my muse gets off her butt
And proceeds to squeeze my gut -
Then will plop a finely worded
Poem, goldenly bemerded,
In a blaze of spice (and fury
of the evening's hot tandoori
chicken ...) and in one grand motion
I'll have spewed my gut-emotion!
:Epilogue:
So I *will* sit, spouting gas
Even if, in hours that pass,
Crap coats brain and blood runs shitten -
I won't rise till something's written!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 70
In the Crown & Anchor Pub Ladies Room (Austin, Texas)
If you can't trust me with a Choice,
How can you trust me with a Child?
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 71
Seen in a college chemistry building's men's room:
Flush twice - this has to go all the way to the cafeteria!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 72
Sticker attached to electric hand-dryer in public restroom:
Push button for a message from Congress.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 73
Seen in a bathroom at a truck stop near Las Vegas, Nevada:
There used to be a Mexican joke here...but it slid off.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 74
Various graffiti written into the grout:
Alexander the Grout
All creatures grout and small
Down and Grout
Grout Expectations
Grout Expectations
Grout Googly Moogly
Grout balls of fire
Grout dane
Grout expectations
Grout fishing in America
Grout of sight, Grout of mind
Grout scott
Groutful Dead
Saur Grout
Sometimes a Grout Notion
The Grout Divide
The Grout Gatsby
The Grout Groutdoors
Take me grout to the ball game
Three Strikes You're Grout
Twist and grout
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 75
God knows why you're doing this, but...
"I feel so strongly about toilet graffiti, I signed a partition." :-)
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 76
In the mens restroom a couple of years ago, Hamburguesa restaurant, Old Town,
San Diego, CA (The restaurant has since changed its name; I don't remember the
current name)...
The paper towel dispenser had the usual "Wash your Hands" / "Lavese las Manos"
sign on it. Below "Lavese las Manos", someone had written -
...and his big-band sound.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 77
My favorite little anecdote, which I saw written on the toilet stall
wall in the Engineering Building on the campus of Memorial University of
Newfoundland located in St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada, is as follows:
I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER!
to which someone else wrote:
GO HOME DAD YOU'RE DRUNK!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 78
Richard Nixon should pull out before it's too late, just like his father
should've.
Humanities Hall, second floor, men's room, U.C. Irvine, early to middle 1970's.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 79
It's dated but my favorite is still:
Don't Change Dicks in the middle of a screw,
Vote for Nixon in 72
Found on the wall in Hipps Bubble Room in San Antonio, Texas
(may it rest in peace, demolished to erect a condominium)
Hey! It may be dated but it made me laugh so hard I peed on my shoe!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 80
In front of urinal at Baked in Telluride, Co.:
Don't look now but you've got your best friend by the neck.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 81
If black is beautiful, I just shit a masterpiece.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 82
From the restroom of Maggie Mae's, 6th St., Austin TX.
Why can't we just all get a bong...
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 83
From the restroom of some nameless crawfish restaurant in the middle of nowhere
off of I-10 in southern Louisiana:
Nixon did for America what pantyhose did for finger fucking...
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 84
Bill Clinton gave head in college, but didn't swallow.
(to which someone else wrote)
No, but George and Ronnie did and it was the only thing they could do right.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 85
Tell us how long your dick is.
(to which someone else wrote)
I can't find it.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 86
Imagine you are reading this as you are trying to take a dump...
Eat shit! 1.9 trillion flies (estimated population of flies) can't be ALL
wrong.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 87
This toilet paper is like Clint Eastwood, tough and hard, and takes no shit.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 88
My mother made me a whore.
(to which someone else added)
If I give her the yarn, will she make me one too?
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 89
Found in mens room Eros Cinema in Bombay
Neighbor's envy, Owner's Pride
This is originally from a TV commercial.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 90
The following are sort of traditional in mens restrooms in the U.K.
Life's like a pubic hair on toilet bowl - you soon get pissed off.
Written above head height in the urinals:
If you can piss this far, you should join the fire brigade.
If mens brains were as big as their balls, there would be a lot less writing on
toilet walls.
Also written on the urinals:
Remember - more than three shakes is a wank.
One more from the urinals:
No matter how much you shake your peg, the last drop always runs down your leg.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 91
Don't throw cigarette butts in the urinal, as it makes them soggy and hard to
light.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 92
Written very low on the left wall:
If you read this, you're pissing on your right shoe.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 93
Here's one that had a lot of additions to it, which I'll try to represent with
little arrows. I hope it comes across clear enough. It's a good example of
people reading things differently (mind you, the original graffiti was somewhat
sloppy, allowing for the subsequent "discussion"). Oh yeah, it starts with "A
guy goes...".
Is that an "i" or an "o"? ___
|
___Is that a "u" or an "a"? <--I can't believe how blind you are
|
A guy goes to lunch with his mother
what he means to say is "pass the butter"
but what comes out is "you f&#&*ed up my life you bitch"
It all comes from the Crown & Anchor in Austin, Tx. I hope you can follow it.
It's pretty funny when you're there (and drunk).
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 94
In the computer center mens bathroom:
For a Good Time - Email mac100s@oduvm
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 95
The MAIN thing is to keep the MAIN thing the Main thing.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 96
Seen in the mens' room in a women's dorm at USC:
Just think of the miles of Fallopian tubes that surround you that you won't be
able to get near.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 97
Stamp out graffiti.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 98
From the men's room of The Hole In The Wall, Austin, Tx, 1993:
Milk the cow
Feed the hen
My life is yours
You kill
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 99
In the Intercultural Center on the first floor, on the floor between two
stalls,it reads:
Tap foot. If other person taps back, kneel under for j.o. or b.j.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 100
My current favorite bathroom graffiti (besides the obligatory wallborn personal
ads penned by gays) is a recent exchange posted on the wall of the first floor
men's room in Perkins Library. The "bait" reads "Fight for the rights of the
pansexual." After the usual bible-beater remarks about how homosexuality is a
sin, and all pansexuals will therefore burn in hell, there was a string of
humorous responses. The first was:
Does that mean you fuck a little guy with hooves and a flute?
They followed:
or does he fuck you?
and what role, if any, is played by the flute?
It plays an octave, albeit minor, role.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 101
A scrawler had written:
Don't try to decribe the ocean if you've never seen it. (a Jimmy Buffett
quote)
to which someone else replied:
It's no larger than the space between your ears.
This was followed by:
You too, my friend; you're so deep you're drowning.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 102
In the third floor bathroom of the Student Center, one squatter scrawled:
Insanity is to art what garlic is to salad.
to which someone replied:
Waiter, there's too much garlic in my salad.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 103
Under a sign that said "Employees Must Wash Hands," someone scribbled:
I waited and waited, but I finally washed them myself.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 104
In days of old
When men were bold
And toilets weren't invented
Men left their load
Upon the road
And walked away contented
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 105
In days of old
When knights were bold
And paper wasn't invented
They'd wipe their ass
On a clump of grass
And walk away contented
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 106
In days of old
When knights were bold
And ladies weren't invented
The knight drilled holes
In telegraph poles
And had to be contented
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 107
In days of old
When knights were bold
And condoms weren't invented.
They tied a sock,
Around their cock
And babies were prevented.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 108
In days of old
When knights were bold
And women weren't particular.
They lined them up
Against the wall
And did it perpendicular.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 109
I saw this in Chester Street, a gay bar in Champaign, IL. In the men's
bathroom, inside of a stall, it said "Joe eats pussy".
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 110
UT Campus Austin, TX:
Urine the bathroom.
Urine trouble.
Look what a mess urine.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 111
Seen in a local bar, recently:
For a good time, call ###-#### and ask for Mary.
For a BAD time, tell Mary where you got this number.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 112
How about this little ditty discovered in a public toilet in London?
As you sit to take a shit
Rest a while and think a bit.
The last time that I beat my meat,
Was on this very toilet seat.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 113
Written above a urinal:
Stand close. It's shorter than you think.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 114
As a boy, my Dad used to fish off the end of a pier in the San Fransisco Bay.
There was an old-style outhouse (no longer there) on the pier, put there by
the owner. Apparently the owner got tired of people making a mess of his
outhouse, so he wrote the following on the wall inside:
If you shit
upon the floor,
I will lock
the shithouse door.
- Owner
A person who apparently had frequent need to visit the outhouse responded below
the owner's message with:
If the shithouse
door you lock,
I'll throw your shithouse
off the dock.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 115
The mens' restroom at Northern Telecom's Atlanta location (since closed down
:-( ) had blackboards on the walls of the stalls with chalk for writing
graffiti
(true). People ignored the chalk and wrote on the blackboards with pen.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 116
In University of Washington's Physics Hall, circa 1984, below toilet seat
cover dispenser:
Walter Mondale's election hats
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 117
In the men's room at a Denny's restaurant:
It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good food into shit.
It only takes Denny's 10 minutes.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 118
In case of nuclear war, hide in the urinal. Nobody ever hits 'em anyway.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 119
Sign over urinal in mens room in Cambridge, Mass. bar near Harvard:
We don't sell our beer, we just rent it.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 120
In a truck stop somewhere in Oklahoma:
Captain's Log: Me & Spock beamed down to shit.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 121
Written over faded instructions on electric hand dryer:
Push button
Rub hands together vigorously under air stream
Wipe hands on pants
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 122
Here I sit
to shit again.
But instead of landing in the bowl,
it landed on my pen.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 123
Sign seen at a restaurant:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 124
They paint these walls to cover my pen,
but the shithouse poet has struck again.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 125
The angle of the dangle is in direct proportion to the heat of the meat and
the mass of the ass.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 126
Here I sit, I'm at a loss
trying to shit out taco sauce.
When it comes, I hope and pray,
I don't blow my ass away.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 127
(written under a picture of crudely drawn flower)
Hi. I'm Johnny. I am five years old. I couldn't think of anything dirty to
say, so I drew this fucking flower.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 128
Here's one seen above a urinal:
look up
[a little higher on the wall]
look up
[even higher on the wall]
keep looking up
[on the ceiling]
Quick! Look down! You're pissing on your shoes!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 129
(Hostel, West Coast, South Island, New Zealand.)
There's nothing more underrated than a good shit,
and nothing more overrated than a bad fuck.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 130
Three different autors contributed to this one:
First pen: "Jesus is the answer"
Second pen: "What is the question"
Third pen : "Who was Felipe Alou's younger brother"
(The early-70's New York Yankees lineup featured three Alou brothers: Matty,
Felipe, and Jesus. I still see this 20+ years later, even here in Red Sox
territory.)
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 131
Seen somewhere in ladies room in Freiburg/Germany:
Arrow pointing to the bottom of the door and "Exit for Limbo Dancers".
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 132
I saw the following exchange in the men's room at Computervision in the early
80's:
1:
2: What language is this, Esperanto?
3: Ne, tiu lingvo ne estas Esperanto - estas Morrison.
4: I saw Morris on TV in the cat food commercial!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 133
Seen in front of the urinals at a college in Montreal:
You're holding your future in your hands!
Someone had added:
And it doesn't look too promising!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 134
One of the funniest I've seen was also the simplest:
Fart loud if you love Jesus!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 135
Scribbling graffiti on the toilets
Was never difficult a bit:
Among the shit, you all are poets;
Among the poets, you all are shit.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 136
Here's one I saw at the showers at an army base: (sounds much better in hebrew)
If your wife is not at hand, let your hand be your wife.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 137
While your sitting on the toilet you see written on the stall door:
Congratulations! You've one one free game of Toilet Tennis! Look Left.
You look left and it reads:
Look Right
You look right and it reads:
Look Left...
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 138
As I sit in perfect bliss
And listen to the sound of pouring piss
Now and again, a fart is heard
During the splash of falling turd
If the smell of shit can produce such wit
I wonder what would be the taste of it
Come come my friends
Don't be doubtful
Try a handful
Try a mouthful
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 139
Toilet Paper supplied by John Wayne Toilet Inc.
Our Motto: We're ruff and tuff, n' we don't take shit from nobody
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 140
What is it about taking a shit that brings out the philosopher in people?
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 141
In bathroom at Sci/Eng library at Boston U:
How does a mathematician take a shit?
He works it out with pencil and paper.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 142
Scrawled in big black letters on a toilet stall wall:
Everyone writes on the walls but me.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 143
Little orange sticker seen above toilet at Arizona State University in one of
the bathrooms in the Engineering dept:
One free goldfish with purchase of this bowl
(Evidently somebody removed it from a fishbowl)
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 144
Found this written on a toilet bowl:
For Best Taste
Drink By Date
Shown on Bottom
of Can
|
|
\ /
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 145
Eat shit. 20 billion flies can't be wrong.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 146
Damn ye who leaveth a log amongst these stalls!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 147
I have what every woman wants!
(and written underneath...)
You must be in the fur coat business.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 148
Got this from Texas A&M:
My mother made me a fag
(and under that)
If I gave her the yarn, could she make me one to?
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 149
From University of Arizona
Single white male seeks one dozen doughnuts, assorted flavors.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 150
I am 12 inches long and 4 inches around.
(and written underneath...)
Great! Now how big is your penis?
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 151
On a urinal: Stop me before I piss again.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 152
On the air hand dryers, people usually scratch out the letters on the
instructions to make new directions:
Push Button
is scratch out to be...
Pus Butt
Rub hands under warm air
is scratch out to be...
Rub hands under arm
Stops Automatically
is scratch out to be...
Stop Auto at ally
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 153
One would think from all this wit
That Shakespeare himself came here to shit!
and the (expected) retort,
And that my friend may well be true
For the bard, he had to do it too.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 154
Found in a stall in college, a physics building no less:
x^n + y^n = z^n for n>2, has no integer solutions.
I have a truly wondrous proof of the above statement, but unfortunately
I'm late for class.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 155
The best graffiti I ever saw was when I worked for the government and one
of the bathrooms, right above the toilet paper roll had these words:
You are the only person in this building who knows what he's doing...
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 156
I was here
But now I'm gone
I left my smell
To linger on
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 157
Everybody pisses on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 158
From Duke University, Psychology bldg, about 1972:
Anal-retentative sadomasochism is the opiate of the masses
so, I changed it to
Anal-retentative sadomasochism is:
1) the opiate of the masses.
and added:
2) The foundation of U.S. foreign policy 1945-73.
others added:
3) The pause that refreshes.
4) The basic building block of friendship.
5) ???
There were about 20 answers to this multiple-choice question before I left
Duke.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 159
Above a urinal I read:
The guy that picks the butts out of here is the guy cooking your meal.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 160
Life is like a shit sandwich.
The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.
Found on the men's room wall at Cogan's in Norfolk, VA.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 161
This is a teepee for your peepee
Not a wigwam to beat your tomtom!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 162
(written above a urinal)
Why are you looking up here?
Are you ashamed of it?
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 163
No matter how you shake and dance,
The last drop always falls in the pants.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 164
No matter how much you shake your peg,
The last wee drop runs down your leg.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 165
Be like daddy, not like sis
lift the lid to take a piss.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 166
Some people come here to take a shit,
I come here to leave one.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 167
Don't look now!
you're pissing on your neighbors foot!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 168
(from the late Clark Gable)
Why should I be proud of something where:
Every monkey is my equal,
and every jackass is my superior?
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 169
On the ceiling above the toilet:
Out to lunch, be back soon.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 170
Written above a urinal in a men's clothing store:
To curtail shoplifting of our overpriced merchandise, these urinal stalls
may be monitored at any time by buxom voluptuous airline stewardesses and
horny divorcees moonlighting as security guards.
Written below that:
If you're longer than 12 inches, you get a 50% discount on our overpriced
suits.
And written below that:
And if you're last name is Bobbitt, you get another half off! Prices slashed!
And yet written below that:
Gee, I don't see how you guys sit on these funny-shaped toilets. I can't
seem to stay on without slipping off. Mary.
And yet written below that:
I bet that's what your husband says too every night!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 171
Please do not bite the woodwork while straining.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 172
Why do turds taper?
To prevent your ass from snapping shut with a bang.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 173
Written at the bottom of the toilet stall:
Beware of gay limbo dancers!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 174
Alas poor Yorlik, I knew him backwards.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 175
What ever happened to the good old days when men were men and pansies were
flowers?
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 176
I used to think I was a werewolf but I'm alright nooowwwoooooooo...
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 177
Phys204: a waste of time, space, and energy.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 178
Sometimes I wish I was
What I was when
I wished I was
What I am now.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 179
If you are taking a Shit
Please put it back
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 180
Q: Quel est la difference entre un homme et une femme?
A: La difference entre.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 181
(written above a urinal)
I think, therefore I aim.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 182
Seen above a urinal:
Si quieres crecer fuerte y sano,
comete lo que tienes en la mano.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 183
Seen above a urinal:
If you think I'm sick, look at what you're holding!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 184
Virginity is like a bubble in the mainstream of life:
one prick and it's gone forever!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 185
Written above a roll of toilet paper:
UCLA diplomas, take one.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 186
A similar variation:
Arts Degree, take one.
Yeah, but at least you can wipe your ass with this.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 187
Seen in Northern Wisconsin at a bar that had a bad water well:
If it's yellow, let it mellow.
If it's brown, flush it down.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 188
Above the urinal in a gym:
Stand closer, the next person may be barefoot.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 189
The length of the pole should be directly proportional to the depth of the
hole!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 190
If your hose is too short,
Or your pump is too weak,
You'd better stand close,
Or you'll piss on your feet!
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 191
One person actually fell for this one, and burst out laughing in the stall.
Good thing he wasn't at work. It's more of a visual gag. He was sitting
in a stall in the Hoosier Dome in Indianapolis, taking care of business, when
he noticed some writing very far down on the wall, almost to the floor, in
very small print. He leaned way, way over, peering closely, and as the
blood was rushing to my head, read,
"You are now sh*tting upside down."
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 192
Seen in a National Forest Service campground outhouse in Colorado. This
was in an area that is notorious for the number of Texans that overrun
the vicinity. Over the seat was an arrow pointing down, and it had the
message:
"Subway to Texas: Take it!"
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 193
Sung to the tune of "Don't get around much anymore"
Missed the toilet last night
Shit all over the floor
Wiped it up with my toothbrush
Don't brush my teeth much anymore
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 194
Seen in a mens restroom:
I was fooling around with my girlfriend at her place and she asked me to kiss
her where it stinks...so I brought her here.
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 195
I work in a big Finnish publication company, which houses maybe 20 different
monthly magazines under the same roof. The magazines are located in two
different floors, and have very near connections to each other. So there are
common kitchens and toilets. One of the toilets have rather excellent sign,
which, if I remember right, someone found from a hotel abroad, and brought it
here to entertain every soul who gets an urge to visit toilet. The sign says:
Please do not throw foreign articles into toilet.
Remember, it's a publication company :-)
-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 196
From the Law School at the University of Illinois:
The A students make the professors,
the B students make the judges,
and the C students make the money.
