How to Have Fun at a Funeral

1. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
2. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
3. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
4. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
5. Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
6. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
7. Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.
8. Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.
9. Take up a collection to pay off the deceased' gambling debts.
10. Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.
11. When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's mouth.
12. Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.
13. At the cemetary take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.
14. Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.
15. Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the coffin for back-taxes.
16. Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased.