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I'm the kind of person that when walks into a room, usually has a croud of her friends come and sworm around her whever she goes. I love it *hehe*. I walked into homeroom and everyone wads in a cricle talking. I was thinking "ohh gossip". So of course I missed out on some things since I was absent yesterday. Heidi tells me her and Kim got into a fight. Heidi was shaking she was so mad. We were talking with her, then kim walks by.. Heidi runs after her then into the back room and starts screaming at her calling her a bitch. I just kinda laughed. Kim stares at her shoes and walks bye her ignoring her. I couldn't believe Kim let heidi talk to her that way. If I were kim I woulda told her a couple of the things on my mind. I felt bad for her she just walked away as fast she she could to the corner. I hope nothing happens between them. Of course I heard they had a fist fight the day before. Wouldnt have happend If I were there.. doesnt anyone know how to break up a fight? |
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I didnt have much time to think about what was going on with Kim because Brandy walks in and starts crying. Heidi and I hug her trying to see whats wrong. Her boyfriends brother was spreading rumors about her saying she had sex with her boyfriend. I felt very badly for her.. I started to get frustrated because there wasent a thing I could do to make her feel better, but talk to her. She cried just about all day and as I walked out of homeroom making my way to first period, I rubbed my head and knew it was going to be a bad day. |
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I came home ealier because of my cramps. I dont feel well at all. I think I've gone through just about a 100 tissues since I've been home. I'm really getting stressed too.. I have to study but I can't keep my mind on anything.. I'm just so tired of being sick. |
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February 12th.. Yesterday I stayed home. My mother realized when I was rolling around on the ground in pain, that I probably wouldnt make it to school, *lol*. I slept in and piddled around the house the whole time. It got so boring. I think I putered to much because I started to lose interest *shock*. I'm so addicted that doesn't happen much :). |
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You know what I hate with a passion? How some kids are in advanced classes, barely pay attention, and make straight A's without even breaking a swet. That *really* agravates me. I think it bothers me so much is because I work hard... and dont get far. Okay so I dont work THAT hard.. but I do try. And I make C's and B's. The way I figure.. if you make straight A's.. you probably have no life. No offense to anyone out there.. but people with straight A's go home, do their work, have nothing else better to do so study, then study somemore. I have TONS of things to do when I get home. ( I'm not making an excuse,.. just saying ). But mostly its things I need to get done daily, online. I wish I wasent so darn addicted so I could be a nerd! Okay that doesnt sound right. But it really really maters to me what my grades are. My goal is to gain knowledge.. and it makes me so mad that some kids can do it so easy when I have to struggle so damn much. |
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We went shopping last night.. my mother and I. You see, my mom shrank my favorite sweater, so we were going shopping to replace it. I *love* going shopping at the Edison Mall in Frt.Myers.. they have so many nice shops it'll blow your mind. There is this one called Pacific Sunwear.. Oh I was in heaven!!When we were done buying them out we headed over to find me some shoes. I swear it is impossible to find myself a nice pair of ladies shoes.. you know.. like sandels. I'm a ladies 12.. and there is this one store out of all of Charlotte County that seems to carry that size. I found some nice shoes with a inch heal on them.. wohoo now I can be 6'1". I think tonight was the only night I wished I wasent so damn tall. One of the cashiers asked me if I was into modeling at all.. I said no of course. I remember I used to want to do be a model SO BAD. I was so insicure about my looks I just have to have some proof for myself that I wasent that bad looking. So I figured, if I become a model... hey that will prove it to myself. *PSHT* Fat chance! Wouldnt happen.. I dont want to be one anymore anyway. I'd rather amount to something much more.. greater. |
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Anyway, today was okay! I was happy to see Heidi and Kim were getting along pretty well. I had to hold myself back from bitch slapping Shannon a couple times, but I made it. Last night I was studying for a test I was going to have today.. I got to feeling so bad I through the study sheet away, said fuck it, and went to sleep. Good thing for me I made a 96 on the test *yay*. I was happy. We have 60 Latin and Greek prefixes we need to know by next friday. Now THAT is going to be a killer test. |
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There was this thing at school where you could buy a Carnation and these messenger people would diliverit to whoever you wanted. I was to sick and was gone the whole week so didnt get a chance. Heidi was so sweet and got me one.. I wanted one so bad.. I got it ran up to her and hugged her. I think I knocked some wind out of her but it's still all good lol! Beth gave me THE SWEETEST Valentines day present. It was this big red book with paged inside. The whole thing was full of pictures of Her and I.. and poems she wrote about me. I swear it was the sweetest thing I've been given in quite a while.. but of course it ties with the teddy bear matt sent me *hehe*. Want to hear one of the poems? Well of course you do!! Silly me!! |
| Now that you're my friend |
| When it all started I never imagioned what it would be like, |
| Or the way my heart would beat when your words would strike! |
| Whenever I am hurt, |
| Confused, or sad, |
| you make me smile, |
| and no longer feel bad. |
| I turned to you in a time of need, |
| on that day our friendships a planeted seed. |
| you always know how to make me laugh and smile, |
| and after I just think a while, |
| of what the future may hold, |
| What will become of us? |
| I know in my heart, |
| I will always hold for you, |
| a promise, |
| you have occupied a special place in my heart, |
| I know that feeling will never part, |
| I don't know what I'd do without you around, |
| because in you, |
| a true friend I have found. |
| I can tell you my deepest secrets, thoughts and fears, |
| I've shared with you many smiles, laughs, jokes, and tears. |
| It scares me to think of what may come to be, |
| I hope that it will be a never ending bond, |
| between you and me. |
| I have grown on the inside because of you. |
| I feel all this, |
| and I love you too. |
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February 13th.. Friday the 13th.. AHHHHH!!!!! hehe. I'm really tired.. gee.. sitting around and doing nothing at all sure does take all the energy out of ya! I spent almost the whole day infront of the computer or on the phone. I had a dentist appointment *yuck*. Loren went on a vacation with his girlfriend and her family, today. He wont be back till monday, I think he'll have fun. |
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Charlie, my moms boyfriend, sent me some flowers for valentines day. It was very sweet of him because it was just what I wanted. They're carnations and theres a tiny little teddy bear in them. Him and my mom went to a very fancy restarant tonight to celebrate valentines day. My mom got dressed up and she looked beautiful. She giggled at me, turned, and said, "Dont look that bad for 50 now do I? hehe" |
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I think I'm trying to hard to believe in god. I have this constint thing with it.. I'm agnostic and I wonder on a daily basis if there IS one. I mean it must be so wonderful to believe in something so loving and caring and not have a single doubt in your mind if it excists or not. That bugs me so much. I need proof to believe in it.. I dont need proof to believe in magic.. I dont need proof to believe in reincarnation, so why do I need proof to believe in god? I guess because it seems unlikely to me. Ugg I need to get my thoughts straight. |
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February 14th.. Valentines day!!.. Happy Valentines day all! Find your loved one and give him/her a big hug and kiss and wish them a happy valentines day, for me will ya? :) I was and still am soo depressed. I have no fucking life what so ever! This is my 3rd night in a row sitting on my ass infront of the computer. I need to get out and screw around some lol! Not like that! Jeez you people and your perverted minds, teeheehee. |
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beth came over a while ago.. She felt bad leaving because she was going to the fair and couldnt bring me. We had planned to go to the movies tonight and have some fun but our ride decided it would be better to go to the fair.. and there wasent any room for me. Oh man I felt so bad.. like I was some nerd with nothing better to do but be online. But the problem IS.. that I AM this nerd and all I wanna do is be online. It made me feel bad for myself and I felt like totally getting rid of my page and doing it all over and in black to fit my mood. How nice huh? |
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I talked with matt today (about time lol). It has always bugged me how he doesn't talk much.. like its easier to talk with others but not his own girlfriend. I felt like I couldnt tell him how I felt because he was so.. delicate. I couldnt stand to hurt his feelings.. and if I did he'd get stuck in a rut or something and think he *HAS* to talk to his girlfriend. I dont want him to feel like he *HAS* to talk with me.. I *WANT* him to want to talk with me. Okay so I'm not the most interesting person in the world lol! Well... *WINKS* I have my moments *smile* |
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February 15th..Yes.. I'm sure of it.. I need a life.. and fast! I was suposed to go to the movies with beth tonight but we chouldnt because her dad wouldnt let her leave the house. Normaly I wouldnt be mad or upset with her but this time I was.. it was the 3rd night in the row we planned to do something and for some reason we couldnt because either Dana changed her mind on giving us a ride, or something happens. And of course when our plans are ruined I end up getting to stay home alone keeping my computer company. I was so pissed, jeez. I guess its best we didn't go. Beth had planned to meet someone off the internet tonight. I protested but she didnt listen. This guy is 24 years old and he says and tells beth all the time he's in love with her. he knows she's 14.. but he's obsessed. I'm sorry but I dont really look forward to meeting someone like that. He made beth promise she would kiss him.. of course she broke out of it by saying she couldnt because she had the flu. What a messed up jackass. I swear I fully planned on being very rude to him if I met him. If hey layed one hand on beth I woulda been jumping on him and screaming before he could bat an eyelash. Okay so maybe I'm being over protective but this is some STRANGER off the internet. Pedophiles hang out you know :) *shudder* I guess in a since I should be happy we didn't go.. something bad could have happend.. or I could have made an ass out of myself to a perfectly harmless, sensear, guy. |
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I surfed a lot tonight.. looking for ideas. It's amazng how competitive I am with this homepage deal. I *really* want to have one of the best pages on the web! Whats wrong with that? Nothing :) I love working on it.. its like the only way I can express myself fully. I love voicing my opinions and just.. being me. |
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February 16th.. Another boring day :). I made a new dreams page! It's really nice if you ask me. Matt surprised me and came online today! That was great I got to talk with him for a bit. I went to speach therapy again today. Okay for those of you who do not know.. I have A LISP!! ok?? I'm soo embarrised about it but its not like something you can really hide. Most of my friends love the way I talk.. I dont understand that what so ever. I dispise the way I talk.. I loathe it. I always feel like such a retard because I dont talk correctly. But it's not something I could really control you know? I hate going to the therapy.. but its the only way im gonna get rid of my bad habbit. |
| Loren pissed me off today. He is always borowing my sweater! Yes a guy wanted to wear my sweater... ok... when I always get it back it smells like HIM! yuck. He nevers washes it he wears it then a week later I get it back. *shudder*. Anyway.. My mother is making me go to the gynocologist, for my cramps. AAHHHH I dont want to go!! I'm dreading this so much. I talked about it with purples cousin mo. I felt like an idiot talking about things like that to a stanger who loves 5,000 + away from me. |
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February 17th.. I'm very tired.. I need to stop leaving writting my journal till late. Milessa, or something, left this message in my guestbook. I mentioned earlier about how people who make straight A's must have no lives. Well, hah hah, I still stand by it because half my friends make straight A's, and I ask them what they do when they get home. Mostly the answer was do their homework, then watch tv. Well that to me is not having a life hehe. I think I'm going to strive to prove myself wrong.. be able to satasfy my IRC addiction, and get at least a 3.80 on our next report card. |
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She is also working on this new page about IRC addiction. I dont think people are addicted to IRC.. people dont get a high out of being online and just sitting there. People are addicted to their friends over the computer.. not the program. Or at least that is how it is for me. I could live without the computer if none of my friends were online.. but they are.. so I enjoy very much being online and talking/discussing things with them. This guy, Robert, emailed me. He's doing this book and needed to do some interviews with teens via email. Well he emailed me.. I was honored.. and asked me some simple questions about me on the web. I hope I get quoted in his next book ( wooh hehe )! |
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I want to write some stories and put a story section on my page. It's so time consuming.. and well.. hard. I have a couple of ideas Ijust have to sit down and write the stories down. I'm being hard on myself and only excepting the best of my ability, which is good but very very frustrating. |