Hey all
Just in case any of you want to read it, or pass it on to young relatives, here's the version with no offensive language
Morp
This is the first chronicle in the life of your ruling class, the Twelve. Here are the members of the Twelve, listed in no particular order. Definitely not sanity
Toadboy- Our President, with great hair
B-Cool, or is it Terrax, or Power, or Scavenger- God, I dunno. Vice Pres
Maverick- Ex-President
Sinister- Runner up in the Presidential race, and a great guy
finar- One of the funniest guys on the Club, and a personal bud of mine
The Nature Boy Stone Cold Zenith 230, Hero of the Beach- Jeez, got ta get him to shorten that name down someday
Sparky, Girl Wonder- First female member of the Twelve
Finally, me, Morpheus- Good looking, smart, talented, not to mention modest
Disclaimer: Some Marvel characters appear in this, so they are copyright of
Marvel inc. All the above characters are real people, using pseudonyms(hey
I CAN spell it)
And now begins our adventures in the ClubNate universe
This is an intro to the Twelve. Next month sees the initiation of the next
4 members
Any comments/questions? oneill@cambus.u-net.com
"YOU BEAUTY!!!! Bullseye!!" screamed Zenith, from his darts room, in which hung a picture of Scott Summers, genetic father of both our beloved Nates, and, to Zenith, scum of the earth. If anyone dared to enter that room, they would have saw tons of frantic scribblings on the wall, depicting Scott Summers in many gruesome death positions, most of which are not suitable to print even in a Garth Ennis comic. Some pictures involve spoons.( All these pictures are a result of Zenith's deranged mind, which is unsuitable for young children.)
"Keep i' doon 'n ther" shouted Mor p, "Ah'm tryntae woch sum fitba!"
From his position in front of a mirror, where he was grooming his immaculate hair, running a hand through the soft, flowing locks, Toadboy said "Cool, who's playing? Cowboys? Bears?"
"NO! It's not your football!" Zenith said, shouting round the corner from his room. "Me an' Morp got us 'ooked into Sky Sports, an' we can watch footie now. REAL football, not your poncy American rubbish, for Sin's sake!"
"Hey, I resemble that remark!" Sinister said, delving into his Taco-Bell bag. "By the way, where's Mav and Sparky?"
"Sparky's not here yet. Mav's in the comm-room waiting for a call. Said somethin' 'bout new members." answered Terrax. After answering, he turned back to the corner, muttering to himself. "Power? Nah, yesterday....B-Cool?...I'm not slick enough today.....B-Cruel? Yeah...." He then whipped his Joseph action figure out of his pocket dimensional pockets, and began torturing it. After that, he could be seen grinning evilly at anyone who dared look at him sideways, which is physically impossible unless you are an owl, but that's not the point. Suffice to say, the man with many names, as well as the multiple personalities to go with them, was a bit demented today.
A few seconds later, finar burst into the base, with two peculiar packages. One was from a hardware store, and the other, .. well..the other bag said.."Custom fetishes."
"Hey, finar," said Toadboy, "Looking for some cheap thrills?"
"Nah, not today, I'm setting up a few things for my room."
"Whey-hey finar," Morpheus shouted, still staring at the 50-inch TV screen, "Hins way the wife no gaun tae gud?"
"Umm. Did anyone understand that?" asked Toadboy, after a few moments silence.
"Notaword." answered finar, who had begun creeping towards his room, still tightly grasping his two bags.
In a flash, Morp leapt up from his seat, and suddenly, finar didn't have his bags anymore. He had used his powers of super-speed, gifted to him when his trainers were abducted by the villainous Nike, who enhanced their speed to that of pure light. Buggered the things laces up though. "Lessee whit way av ere," he said, looking into the bags. Pulling out a large box from the hardware one, he said "Ah-ha! Wiv goat sumhin noo. Looksay at--"
"{Ahem}", coughed Toadboy, "Mind tryin to speak recognisably for a while, Morp?"
"Sorry. Whit ah was tryin to say was that this box looks interestin finar. Lets see whits in it." Opening the huge box, Morp looked puzzled for a sec, then started pulling out an enormous....hammer?
"What the heck d'you want with a gigantic hammer?" asked Toadboy.
"Well...you'll see once you open the second bag, Morp," finar said, after a moments thought.
"Ye sure? Remember, ah'm only 15, 'n it mite be illegal fir mai tae see sumhin lik ths, y'know?"
"Just open it Morp."
He did just that, and when he did, his face broke out into a grin, as he pulled out an inflatable doll, which was just now crumpled up, but the head was showing. And it had red-hair.
"Woo-hoo finar!", shouted Toadboy, "You've gone for my kind o'gal!"
Then, Morp pulled out the rest of the doll, revealing that the doll was in fact meant to be a man, and it was wearing a red visor, and a ....blue and gold jumpsuit?
"Hey finar," said Sinister, "You goin' a bit hotel-motel on us?"
"You're joking, right?"
"finar," Morp asked, "Why did ye buy ay Cyke doal?"
"Come on guys, piece it together. finar hate goodie two-clogs Scott. finar love bashing people finar hates."
"Did i 'ear someone mention that doss spawn of Satan, Scott "the plank" Summers?" Zenith said, coming into the lounge from his room.
"Yup," replied Toadboy, "finar's bought a blow up doll of him, as well as a huuuuge hammer."
"Bloody brilliant finar," Nature Boy said, his face ecstatic, "Give's a shot, eh?"
"No, finar keep Scott doll. Anyway friend Zenith, doncha think you might break it, with your hatred for Scotty boy?"
"Hell, no, ......i'll only mutilate it to within an inch of its rubbery pseudo-life! C'mon."
"No no no no no friend Zenith! finar no give."
"Aw, fer cryin' out loud, shut it will ya!", Sinister burst out with, and, waving his hand, commanded his powers of "rubber Scott spontaneous combustion" to set alight the doll, much to finar and Zenith's disappointment.
Just then, Sparky, Girl Wonder entered the base with a handspring, and to a cavalcade of trumpets.
*DA-DUM-DADADA-DUM-DA-DUM-DUMMMMMMMMMM*
"Hey," said Morp, "It's Sparky, Girl Wonder!"
*DA-DUM-DADADA-DUM-DA-DUM-DUMMMMMMMMMM*
"QUIT IT!!!!!!", Sparky shouted at no-one in particular. "God, I've gotta get a handle less dramatic one a these days. Hey, why's that thing on fire?" Before anyone had a chance to speak, she had flipped towards the fire extinguisher, grabbed it, somersaulted next to the doll, and put out the fire.
As the flames hissed into steam, everyone burst out into spontaneus applause, and Sparky was compelled by an un-nately force to shoot her arms straight up, then bow to all corners of the room. "Must....be....grateful.....",she gasped, then suddenly was back to her old self again. "Jeez guys, I can't leave you alone for 2 minutes, without you starting some trouble." she said, hands on her hips.
"Hey, it was Sinister who started it, igniting my doll," finar said.
"No fair, you guys kept fighting."
"Oh c'mon, it was just a bit o'fun!"
"STOP IT!!!!!!!" Sparky screamed.
And there was silence.
Zenith, Sinister, and finar all looked sheepish, and Sparky said "Go to your rooms."
"But--"
"GO!!"
As the three of them sprinted towards their respective rooms, Morp and Toadboy couldn't hide their sniggers, but as Sparky whirled around, her eyes looking very sharp, they gulped deep in their throats.
"And what are you two laughing at?" she said, small spheres of energy forming around her hands.
"Sparky," Toadboy said, in his cutsiest voice, "Remember, I'm your President, and ....if you don't blow the place up, I'll......giveyousomerootnourishingconditioners!" he shot out, quick as a flash.
"Unh-unh." she replied, and with a wave of her arm, dozens of her bombs flew towards the hapless duo, and it was only Morp's speed and Toadboy's comparitive agility of a toad that saved them.
*KABLAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*
Looking back at the smouldering pile of rubble, Toadboy exclaimed, "Fer cryin' out loud, Sparky, did ya have to blow up my hair-care products cabinet? Just my luck as well. I had just bought some new L'Oreal styling mousse."
"Ye col that a cab'net?" asked Morp, "Luke' mair lik a war'robe tae me!"
"I'll have to get a new one now. And who knows when--"
There was a blur of blue and yellow light, and then, before Toadboy had a chance to finish his sentence, Morpheus was back in the base, carrying an enormous cupboard.
"Her ya go, TB, wan adaman'ium re-inforce' "cab'net" Should stawn up tae even Sparky's punish'ment."
"Dunno if I would want to stand up to her punishment," Toadboy said with a grin. Then, Sparky's slap to his face snapped him into reality, or what passed for it with him."Thanks for the cabinet Morp!"
"Nae probl'm. By the way Sparky, where wir ye aw tha time?"
"I was out getting some food for my dragon, Mockweed."
"Ah. Whit kine a fid did ye get the wee bugg'r?"
"Coal."
Before either had a chance to say anything else, Maverick said telepathically, ({ Hey guys. Just got word from Nate Central that there's been six new candidates proposed for Twelve membership. We've gotta initiate them, and see if they're Nately enough to join us. They'll be arriving shortly.})
In a dark, shady corner of the base, B-Cruel sat with a gleam in his eyes, sticking pins into his Joseph action figure, inwardly hoping that this voodoo torture would cause this scum to revert to Magneto, the God of mutant villains.
EPILOGUE
Somewhere, someplace, the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Bloblok sat formulating a plan to defeat his arch enemy, the brave little Toadboy, whose hair he was envious of.
(The fact that Stay-Puft doesn't have hair is irrelevant, cos this only makes him angrier.)
The end. Any comments or questions? E-mail me at
oneill@cambus.u-net.com
**********************
Next ish: Witness the initiation of four new members to the 12. Who will
they be? Will Barry Lee decide on a codename? Will Toadboy stock up his new
cabinet? Who will have the worst hair? Will Sparky let Zenith, Sinister and
finar out of their rooms? Find out next time, same Nate place, same Nate
club, same pants!!!
*********************
There are two ways out of here, the exit and the Nately exit
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