Advice From Uncle Al
UPDATE: Uncle Al is making sacrifices to the HTML deities in hopes of rebuilding the question database. It would seem that as gifted as he may be in matters legal, spiritual & moral, Uncle Al is kinda sorta a putz when it comes to remembering to SAVE when he's editing files.......
As ominous as this sounds, chances are, he's working on it at this very moment.
I drive a classic Mustang Cobra. Great Detroit rear wheel drive muscle. But it gets lousy gas mileage. Everyone else in the neighborhood drive imports like Mercedes, BMW, Lexus etc. Nice cars with great MPG but no soul ya know? How can I improve my gas mileage but retain my soul? Dennis
Tune-up ring a bell Dennis? And, since we all know new cars have no "soul," feel free to siphon gas out of their tanks. You have plenty of time to deal your own karma.
I'm building a lingerie chest for my wife as a anniversary present. I'm using bird's eye maple salvaged from a pre- revolutionary war colonial house. All my friends say I should use "dovetail" joints but I'm leaning towards time saving "butt" joints. What do you think? Hank
I think it's great that you're undertaking this labor of love for your wife. By all means go with the dovetail. It's the mark of a true craftsman and she'll surely appreciate the extra effort. I'd love to see the finished product too. Pics of your wife in lingerie next to the chest would give Uncle Al a better idea of the dimensions of the chest.
Why are there so many horrible personal home pages? Tammy
Why do fat men wear speedos at the beach? Probably because we live in a society that has no taste. But to answer your question, it's because any idiot can learn basic HTML & find a site like Geocities that will host the ensuing drivel. It's a blight upon our times but what can you do? There's that silly "freedom of speech" thing. Some would argue that this page is case in point. Anyway, a good rule of thumb is that the more unicorns, angels & cute gif's you see as a page loads, the more it's gonna blow .
I'm a little ashamed and confused. My shampoo says to "lather, rinse & repeat." Sometimes I leave out the "repeat" part. Am I hurting my hair? Barbie
B****. So you're the one. We've been looking for you.
Does a "stitch in time save nine?" How can this be possibly reconciled with time dilation posited in current superstring theory? Mel
Whoa. Slow down Mll. Do I look like Stephen Hawking? A stitch in time does, indeed, save nine. But there's a dark side to this age old axiom. Take a trip to your local emergency room and you'll see dozens of examples of non-union "seamstresses" who have mutilated themselves by attempting dangerous "cross stitching." They're the ones who, and this kills me, are getting stitched back up.
Is " human cloning" a reality or just science fiction? Stuart
Ever taken a good look at Yassir Arafat & Ringo Starr? Ever seen them in the same room together Lonny? I thought not. It's a closely guarded secret but human cloning has been going on for decades. When geneticists refer to the Human Genome Project (and they usually smirk and giggle when the subject comes up) they're really talking about cloning. Upon instructions from the Illuminati President Truman authorized the formation of MJ12. Funding continues this day under the cover name of H.U.D. Unfortunately, for every Einstein, Mother Theresa or Nicholas Tesla cloned the scientists clone hundreds of identical copies of Heather Locklear & Nikki Cox for themselves as "companions."
Should I be worried about the Y2K problem or is the just another computer nerd thing? Chet
You nailed it Chet. Nothing to worry about unless you use food, water or electricity.
Is it just me or are people incredibly stupid? I work as customer service rep and I take "returns" from people who can't figure out how to use the simplest of items. Sometimes I could just SCREAM. Jeannie
Easy there Jeannie. Feel free to go ahead and scream. It's good for you but, do you know a doctor who could prescribe some Elavil or Demerol? A couple of those before work will make it a lot easier on you and anyone that you come into contact with. Aside from that, the scary part isn't that they can't figure out to use the "auto program" feature of their vcr but that they operated a motor vehicle in order to get it back to the store. Or, for that matter, breed.
My neighbor Linda is always going on & ON about saving whales, starving kids in Bukistanagowannaland & saving the environment. She's always harping about getting involved & wondering why everybody isn't as involved as she is. The other day I was rooting around in her garbage and found a can of tuna that wasn't "dolphin safe." How can I nail this hypocrite? Dee
Think drawing & quartering her would be sufficient? Fascinating hobby of garbology you have. Uncle Al suggests that you might try yoga or a battery operated device of your choice to relieve the tension/stress/anxiety caused by your neighbor.....
By the way, ever tasted dolphin? Yummy...
Why do bad things happen to good people? Phylis
Obviously because GOD has a really funky sense of humor. He's got that "keeping the Universe in balance" thing happening. Oh yeah and being in charge of all past, present & future realities. So "Phil," let's cut Him some slack, eh?
His mother still talks wistfully about the tempting offer of a lifetime supply of yak butter. Laugh if you must, but have you checked the price of yak butter recently?
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