Turkey Liberation Front
Lysergically Altered Turkeys For Christ
So far, 2004 has been a good year for us. We were at wit's end after last year's debacle but have been heartened by the the downturn in turkey consumption this year. Those "poultry salmonella" press releases we fabricated may have helped.
Millions of our feathered brethren lost their lives during the "Thanksgiving - Christmas" time frame last year. Why do people still persist in engaging in this genocidal activity? Let's face it, if turkey actually tasted that good, wouldn't people eat it year round? Huh? No, the reasons must lie deeper. Far more sinister reasons.
Upon gaining access to the ancient Aramaic texts of the Lysergically Altered Turkeys for Christ we've discovered millenia old references to the original roots of the practice. Though much of the text was heavy with cabalistic symbology, it seems as though the origins are rooted in what was once known as "tailgaters." Evidently these celebrations were a prequel to public sacrifices which were so popular during Babylonian times.
The closest approximation in today's society are the crowds at tapings of the "O'Reilly Factor" on the Fox "News" Channel.
While we kinda sorta like the idea of returning to public sacrifice (and we do have a list) we must focus, remembering that we're here to save our feathered friends and not giggle at the prospect of seeing a pompous blowhard drawn and quartered.
What conclusions can be drawn here? That only godless heathens consume turkey? No. While that might be true we still suspect that it's simply still a matter of education. Generation after generation have sat down to a Thanksgiving dinner of turkey. It's a tradition . It's what we've all come to associate with the day. Don't get us wrong, tradition can be a wonderful thing but, sometimes, you change tradition. Your great grandfather may have owned slaves. Your grandfather may have owned slaves. Hopefully your father didn't?
Times and traditions can change. Have you ever considered a nice "thanksgiving tuna ?" Neither have we but you get the idea, right?
It wasn't that long ago that Benjamin Franklin proposed that the wild turkey be they symbol of the newly formed United States of America. But Jefferson and the rest of the Freemason cabal (at the behest of the Illuminati) put forth that carrion eating bald eagle up as a better candidate to symbolize our country.
Hmmmm......
© 1999 muehlke@mindless.com
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