Testing. Hello and welcome to Ray Garton!

Feb 15, 1999

Ray, fantastic to see you get your own board... I still haven't recovered from Shackled which was about the best damn novel I've read that involved the 'Net... top notch... I have 411 on order. Take it easy, Steve Savile

Feb 15, 1999

Ray: Give me what I want and I'll go away.

Lanoche

Feb 15, 1999

Hey Ray! Welcome to the MOT boards.

Feb 15, 1999

Hey Ray! It's good to see that Andy had the wisdom to give you you're own board. I loved "Lot Lizards" and am anxiously awaiting 411. Welcome aboard!...Brian Keene

Feb 15, 1999

Hello, everyone! Andy was good enough to offer me a message board many, many moons ago, and I just recently got around to accepting. I'm a little behind in everything, it seems. But I will be checking this board every day to see what's up, so post away!

Thanks for the good words about SHACKLED and LOT LIZARDS, Steve and Brian. I hope you both enjoy 411! As for you, Lanoche ... you made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Is anyone else as impressed as I am with the first night of King's THE STORM OF THE CENTURY? I'm always skeptical of horror on television -- especially network television, where extreme caution is the order of the day (not to mention extreme incompetence) -- but this was pretty damned creepy! I'm looking forward to tonight's installment.

Hanging by a thread,

Ray

Feb 15, 1999

Ray--Nice to see you've got a board now. I've read several of your novels (such as LIVE GIRLS (intense!), DARK CHANNELS (fun stuff), and SHACKLED (you may remember me, I emailed you about the coincidence the book has with TWIN PEAKS, the same hotel, the Lamplighter Inn...or maybe you don't remember me, I won't be crushed ;))). Speaking of TWIN PEAKS, did you know David Lynch will be doing a new tv series for ABC next fall called MULHOLLAND FALLS. Gee, didn't Lynch learn his lesson? Oh well, I'll definitely be watching. Yeah, STORM OF THE CENTURY, the first installment anyway, was fantastic. Really nice build. And I think most of it has to do with the villian. The actor is great. The scene in the General Store could have turned really hokey, but the guy was pure magic. Tim Daly, I don't know, he mostly look vacant to me. Does King have a deal with the former WINGS boys or something? Anyway, great to see you got your board, and I'll do my part to keep it active if ya'll don't get sick of me first. tom McAlister

Feb 16, 1999

Sure, I remember you, Tom! I hadn't heard about Lynch's new TV series. This time, I hope he plans ahead a little more than he did with TWIN PEAKS. The first season of that show was incredible ... but when the second season came along, I got the impression Lynch was scratching his head with confusion as much as I and everyone I knew were. It was almost as if he'd *expected* the show to get canceled in the first season and just didn't plan beyond that, because what started out with great characters, a gripping story and some weird and fascinating subplots turned into gobbledegook and nonsense by the second season. It's called MULHOLLAND FALLS, huh? There was a very good, but sadly ignored, 1996 movie called MULHOLLAND FALLS starring Nick Nolte and the beautiful (and often naked) Jennifer Connelly. It's about a group of elite cops in L.A. in the 40's who work outside the law. The critics hated it, but I really enjoyed it.

This guy who's playing LaNoche in THE STORM OF THE CENTURY is *incredible*! His voice alone is scary! King's getting the royal treatment here: excellent special effects, and an impressive cast (even the other WINGS guy, heh-heh). I like *all* the casting. Usually, network television, even more so than feature films, has a tendency to cast all beautiful people in its movies. But THE STORM OF THE CENTURY is populated by a lot of real-looking people who add to story's overall credibility. So far, the only false note has been the bogus Charles Kuralt in the dream sequence ... that was some pretty piss-poor makeup.

Ray

Feb 16, 1999

Oops. Not LaNoche ... Linoge.

Ray

Feb 16, 1999

Our name is legion.

For we are many.

My first actual goosebump moment in television history!
Glad to see you on the boards Ray. BIOFIRE=Best novel of 1999 that I've read so far. Hope it makes ya rich beyond belief!
Later amigo,
Matt

Feb 16, 1999

What an idiot!

You and your bloated sidekick tmwrighteous have as much right to claim that you're "real writers" as my moronic and syphyllitic Aunt Tillie, who hasn't seen her own shadow in decades.

And speaking of bloated and moronic, Jesus H. Christ in a handbag, are you freaking KIDDING about STORM OF THE CENTURY? All that fake snow and faker acting and lousy Stephen King archetypes!!!! My Uncle Benson Hedges, who couldn't find his nose with a pickaxe, could write better drivel! And you call yourself a writer!!

And then tmwrighteous has the freaking stones to invite me to commit suicide. Well, by God, I just might do it. And right here on your stupid-ass board, you cumquat!

Have I gotten your attention yet, Ray Garton? You're the one that told my sister she could blow you and then you zipped it away in a baggie and she fucking DIED! How's that hang on your conscience, MURDERER!!!

My freaking exclamation point key just bit the dust. Jesus. Nothing goes right for me, anymore. It's like my life is one vast pile of shit and confusion. Pray for me. Better yet, send me money.

And please, please, please, Ray Garton--DON'T KEEP WRITING. There's enough self-important bullshit in the world already.

Anonymous and Loving It

Feb 16, 1999

Ray, the silly prick who posted the above message ain't worth a second of your time. Stick with us, pal, and let's all talk about your work and your inspirations, and not spend time answering to anonymous messages posted by juvenile smackheads. Best regards.

Mike Chamberlain

Feb 16, 1999

Hi Ray, When is the follow-up to Live Girls due? Also do you plan to attend World Horror next month? James

Feb 16, 1999

And you, Mike Chamberlin,

I know your kind. You play pocket pool at girl scout rallies, you have a secret lust for your mother's best friend, Marge, who once said that you had "bedroom eyes," and you BELIEVED her! Your fondest hope is that someday that automatic door will actually OPEN for you!

Give it up, MC. Admit that all life involves, for you, is waiting around for something better. Ain't nothin' better, dipwad. Your pudgy fingers on your squat cock is all there is, and that is a SAD situation, my friend.

Do it, do it, MC. Put your rocking chair on the railroad tracks. Nothing's gonna get better, and you're beginning to realize it, aren't you?

Anonymous and Loving It

Feb 16, 1999

Hi Ray, Don't worry about Anonymous, sounds like a coward. Pussy afraid to sign their real name. Also sounds like someone who is very, very jealous of your success so I guess you gotta consider the source. --------Steven Lee Climer

Feb 16, 1999

S/he can't even spell my name right! God knows how s/he can operate a computer. Or read.
Mike C

Feb 16, 1999

Anonymous = Jack Fisher or Reandrew, your two buddies from the chat room.

Feb 16, 1999

Pussy? Now there's an insult. I'm a PUSSY! Oh God, I'd better run and hide. I've been found out. I'm a PUSSY! (You'll note that my exclamation mark key is working again.)

And Mark Chamberpot (or is it Mike Chamberpot)--what a lame-o YOU are. Jees Louise, I misspell your name and suddenly I can't even fart and chew my twaddle at the same time. Come on, MC, that's the very BEST you can do?

And as for you, Garton... BIOFIRE, SCHMIOFIRE. You're as lame as a two-legged veal calf, and with about as much future, too. My guess is you haven't been answering my brilliant posts because you're a...a...PUSSY. Yeah, that's it. You're a PUSSY! You got hair on both sides of your head and a hole in the middle, except with you, that hole ain't worth much 'cuz all that spews from it is...spew, SPEW!

Whew! I'm glad I vented today. No more such explosions for maybe 100 years or more. Mt. St. Helens ain't got nothin' on me.

But seriously, Ray, is it true that Clinton didn't inhale that cigar?

Anonymous (ee-gad, I almost typed my REAL name, which isn't, by the way, that fucked up JACK FISHER dude, and whoever else lame-o mentioned up there)

Feb 16, 1999

"EGAD?"
"Schmiofire?"

Oh my God......I know who you are.

Your secret is safe....semi-safe anyway, with me.

F. Melvin's little Brother.

Feb 16, 1999

Mr Anonymous:
Everybody hates you, but I admire your ultraviolent style, like William Burroughs and Harlan Ellison sewn together at the hip and pushed over Angel falls in a radioactive barrel... I need lunatics and other people to post messages on my board, to make me look more popular than I really am. You'll do very nicely. Come and relocate to my board and help me get to that magic first archive! The cure of shame! The monkey in the pie! Hurry, hurry!

Rhys Hughes

Feb 16, 1999

Oh, for fuck's sake...

How long has this board been up? Already we've got a person with a bad case of dumbass. No point in guessing their names: they would deny it if you guessed correctly. However, we can narrow it down, and, perhaps, have fun while we do it.

We may safely assume they are a groundhog. After all, their Aunt Tillie has not seen her shadow. Now, what a semi-literate groundhog is doing posting messages here... that requires further investigation.

This semi-literate groundhog has a personal grudge against Ray. Every person needs a name, (even groundhogs and other annoying critters) so I'm dubbing them Sir Groundhog.

Now. Sir Groundhog states Ray murdered Groundhog's sister with arcane words of power, well known to cause death: "Blow me." Use wisdom when your lips court these syllables, everyone. No need for rat traps anymore, or calls to the exterminator. After all, all the exterminators do is say "blow me" in low whispers and all rodents within earshot flip onto their backs, tell-tale "X"'s cover their eyes. The danger of these words of power is that any other mammal hearing them will also die.

Oh, shit, include amphibians... I just said it aloud, and both my frogs croaked.

ANYWAYS... heya, Ray. Hope everything is going well. I enjoyed the Hell out of BIOFIRE. I am curious, though: the city where BIOFIRE takes place... did you have a particular city in mind?


Later!

--Geoff

Feb 16, 1999

Semi-literate. I take great offense, sir.

Feb 16, 1999

Hi Ray,

Great to see you with your own board. Also glad to see people speaking highly of BIOFIRE. I'm still waiting for my copy to arrive in the mail.

I couldn't agree with you more about STORM OF THE CENTURY. I was more than a little sceptically, especially after THE SHINING which I don't think worked all that well. Network TV has to be the single toughest place to pull off a good horror movie. I mean, it's damn hard to maintain a sense of terror in the viewer when you have to break ever 15 minutes for a new car ad or maxi-pad commercial. But STORM OF THE CENTURY is holding up very well. I've enjoyed both episodes enormously and can't wait for the conclusion.

Chuck H.

Feb 16, 1999

Ray Garton,

I submit, sir, that you are fearful of my bombast, my literary fire, my savoir faire, my pate'. I submit, sir, that you are a coward who knows when he has met his match, and more, that you are unwilling to face the light of my brilliance, even armed with your poor gifts.

Anonymous and Loving It More

Feb 16, 1999

Well, nice to see it didn't take long for this board to attract some posts! You give good advice, Mike Chamberlain, very good advice, indeed.

MATT -- Glad you enjoyed BIOFIRE. If I get rich at all, it'll be from the paperback deal. Keep all your appendages crossed. :-) GEOFF -- You kill me, heh-heh. For the city in BIOFIRE, I actually had a *few* cities in mind. It's a fictional combination of a few different large American cities. JAMES -- The LIVE GIRLS follow-up will definitely happen, I'm just not sure when. I keep taking on more projects than I can handle and end up having no time to work on it. Right now, I'm doing a BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER novel, which is due in April ... and that means I won't be attending World Horror, unfortunately. I wanted to go, but my hard-drive went tits-up right after Christmas and I was without a computer for a few weeks, so I got way behind in everything. Lately, I've been trying frantically to catch up, and now I've got this Buffy novel. I hope to make it to some convention or other in the not-too-distant future.

Thanks for stopping by, everybody! (Well ... almost everybody.)

Ray

Feb 16, 1999

An open letter to "What an idiot" or "Anonymous" or "Needledick" (which is what I think your name should be: Stay the fuck off Ray's board and go play in the cellar. Again I throw the gauntlet to you. The last time I said this you vanished quietly. Again I make the offer. Friday morning at WHC99 I will be calling in to my station to contribute to my morning show. I challenge you to an on air battle. I'm sure my listeners will be amazedd at your quick wit and snide sarcasm (not to mention your complete grasp of grammar or spelling). Be at my hotel room door at 5:30am and we will settle this once and for all you little worm. I think you lack the balls to appear in person! I dare you to prove me wrong!...Brian Keene

Feb 16, 1999

PS: Can't wait for "411" Ray! Keep up the great work!

Feb 16, 1999

Brian Keene,

You are a man of rare humor and insight. Yes, you are right. My given name is "Needledick," though it's spelled "Neadeldik," which is German for "Man of Great Schwantz," which is not designed, here, as a clue to my gender, because it is not, and should not be, and should anyone care to step outside, I'll slap myself silly just to prove a point.

And the point is this, BK--you don't know me, I don't know you, so keep your slimy nose the hell out of my asshole. Only my closest friends are allowed down there, and that wouldn't be you, boy-o.

And as for my spelling and grammar, BK, only you would know the difference, eh? I thought not, nor would anyone else, least of all my great Aunt Tillie, who was a groundhog in a previous life, but then butted out for an alternate universe where people do not have initials that rhyme with DJ.

No, I will not engage in a verbal jabfest with you, my friend. I don't do that. Why? Because I am not a man who does that (which, again, is not a clue as to my gender).

Ray Garton himself once asked me, oh, it was ten, fifteen years ago...no, wait, it was earlier this evening, if that was me--"Is it you?" he asked, and I am here publicly answering him.

So there.

Anonymous and Loving Myself

Feb 16, 1999

I know you.

Matt, brother of Melvin.

Feb 16, 1999

Something tells me fellas, that this isn't what an idiot. He was never this articulate before. Pete

Feb 16, 1999

As much as you may hate me, I always signed my name, unlike What an idiot! Dillon

Feb 16, 1999

The guy playing Linoge is a Canadian stage actor by the name of Colm Feore. The old lady in the bit part as the town manager's mother was creepy, telling sonny that when he gets to hell she's gonna eat his eyes out, over and over. Great stuff.

Michael K

Oh, and welcome aboard Ray. MY daughter enjoyed 'All That Glitters'.

Feb 16, 1999

Our mister anon can not be Rean or Jack Fisher. The writing is too, crisp and caustic. In short, he/she is far more intelligent than they.

Feb 16, 1999

Intelligent? Where do you pick that up from? Because he can write a coherent sentence? I don't know, maybe I just don't have the right frame of reference because I don't know who the other two people you're talking about are, but all I pick up from Anon's posts is that he is trying desperately to show everyone how clever he is ... and is failing miserably at it. Actually, taking a look back at the posts, some of his sentences aren't even that coherent. Ramblings at best. But not clever, and definitely not intelligent.

But that's just my opinion. I don't really care to throw myself into that melee. I was just curious what you found intelligent about his/her posts.

Ray; any chance we'll see a movie based on one of your books in the future. I remember reading LIVE GIRLS several years ago and thinking what a great movie it would make, but also thinking it never would get made because it surely couldn't be done right without getting an X (or NC-17) rating slapped on it. Now, hell, there have been a number of movies which seem to have borrowed (perhaps unintentionally) from LIVE GIRLS. Is that just me?

Chuck H.

Feb 16, 1999

Hey Chuck H.,

You tell 'em, boy. You know "intelligent" and "clever" if anyone does. I've been following your career, from your four weeks at a fotomat to your stint as a mascot for the Denver Broncos, then your teaching gig at Swartmot College--what was it, Magical Realism and the Miasma? Nifty stuff.

You know, Chuck, I gotta watch out for those incomplete sentences and that incoherent stuff. I know it's hard for someone like you to follow, and my purpose is to appeal to the masses, which describes you perfectly--a mass of quivering protoplasm waiting for answers that will never come because you're not even aware of the questions. But let me tell you, chum, there ain't no questions, either. How can there be if there ain't no answers? Gotcha there, boy-o.

You crack me up. You and Ray Garton and the rest of the depressing crew. Trying to impress us all with your take on what's intelligent and what's clever, etc., etc. You try hard, and that's your problem. Try a little less hard, Chuckie, and you'll finally understand.

Hey, I got an I.Q. to share with you. 156. I ain't sayin' it's my I.Q. and I ain't sayin' it ain't. But it's a number you're going to have to deal with properly, Chuck, and I don't think you can.

Clever? No. Intelligent? Who knows? It's anyone's guess.

Or maybe this really IS all there is to the circus.

Anonymous With a (silver) Bullet

Feb 16, 1999

Oh make no mistake, this person is intelligent. Between the waves of euphoric dementia brought on most likely by heavy doses of beef jerky and 7-11 Big Gulps, this person borders upon genius. He/she keeps that genius clutched desperately to his/her chest out of fear that this most valued gift will be stolen away, forgotten, or devalued by the massive throng that would cage him/her, and hold those gifts to themselves, dismissing the intellect behind the person and claiming that vessel as their own.

Feb 16, 1999

Actually he's just an acrimonious fuck so swollen on the bitterness from having to coddle papa's peepee every night that he enjoys unleashing his hyperkinetic furor on anyone he happens to trip over. I bet he's out scouting day-care centers every morning hoping to find a kid who looks ripe enough to chew on for a few days in the basement. It's the only way he gets to sleep at night past the bad dreams and nocturnal emissions (we KNOW how good you look with cheese dick on your nose), letting loose with pyrotechnics and bile and getting that coochy feeling in his rancid colon when he says words like "miasma." He likes to believe he's not taking anything seriously even when he's guffawing over his rejection letters and his awful high school poetry, thinking about a red pair of Betty's panties he once saw when she did a cartwheel in the gym, and wishing he could swallow his own eyeballs because he knows his seventh grade guidance counselor was telling the truth when he said "Bend over the windowsill, boy, you're going to take it up the ass forever, might as well start now." I bet you can hit a humdinger of a B flat, worm. Those giggles ain't happiness, Sparky, it's just the cancer crawling up your throat. By the way, I'm only kidding, you're a hell of a lucky fella with sunshine in your bleeding heart. Betty says Hi.

Feb 17, 1999

Hate to burst your bubble, but that fella is no fella.

Feb 17, 1999

MICHAEL -- Thank you for letting me know your daughter liked ALL THAT GLITTERS! I had already written some YA TV tie-ins for Simon and Schuster's Archway Paperbacks when my editor called and told me some cosmetics company was coming out with a line of Sabrina the Teenage Witch cosmetics. They wanted a book that would be released at about the same time, a book that would, in some way, tie in with the cosmetics. And they wanted it to be called ALL THAT GLITTERS. I'd never done anything quite like that before and said yes, not knowing what the hell I was gonna do. When the book was released, there was a coupon in the front for a discount on Sabrina Body Oil. My dream come true...the pinnacle of my career. Heh-heh. Anyway, I'm glad she enjoyed it!

CHUCK -- LIVE GIRLS is currently in development as a motion picture. It's been optioned a number of times over the years, but each time, it's fallen through ... while, as you said, other movies have appeared that seem to borrow, in one way or another, from the novel. There exists a fourth draft of the script right now (possibly fifth, I'm not sure) and the project has garnered some major interest, so I hope everything works this time.

ANONYMOUS -- Most hecklers can't spell their own name correctly and are nothing more than annoying. But I must admit, your posts have been very entertaining and have made me laugh out loud more than once, so I've got to thank you for that. Unfortunately, your mother gives lousy head.

Ray

Feb 17, 1999

No she doesn't, Ray.

(Couldn't resist)

Anonymous with a fucking silver bullet

Oh, and to the misanthropic miasmic missile-head who suggested--in such an utterly brilliant way--that I was not only the victim of child sexual abuse but also a victimizer; your sentences are too long, your colon too perforated and your past is littered with obscenity and self-doubt. You have no bankable talents because you squander them on pissant little web sites like this one, much as I do. My talents, however, are bankable, have been banked, and are now in the process of being bleached, breached, brocaded and bound into leather for pickle-dicks like you.

In other words, you are alien to no one, not even to your inner self, and therein lies the pity that is your life. Take a gander at something beyond your ken (or your barbie), then open the spillway between your ears. See, no answers. No questions.

I offend no one. I simply mystify.

And, Garton, I still think STORM OF THE CENTURY is BORE OF THE CENTURY. I'VE written better, for Christ's sake.

Anyway, I'm outa here. Brian Keene has scared me away once again. I'm a sort of will-o-the-wisp heckler. Who knows where I'll pop up next (What's that guy's name up there? Rhys something-or-other. Sounds like a sewer backing up in the Black Forest). <P) Till next time, keep 'em hangin' low 'cuz that's where the warmth is.

Anonymous always, always, always

Feb 17, 1999

I loved ALL THAT GLITTERS. Can't get enough of Zelda. And tit's up, that's a great saying!! ------- Steven Lee Climer

Feb 17, 1999

You offend all, mystify nothing, except your own inner demons: jealousy, bitterness, and your Mom's anus (she keeps wondering when you converted to Judaism). Betty still has the red panties. You've never sold a word in your life, not even to the priest in last Sunday's confession (you know you want to suck his dick too). Hey, little Timmy has a lawyer now, I'm sure you'll be hearing from him soon, or maybe his father. That guy just went down to twelfth street and bought a shotgun, but I think he'll only blow out your knees. He's got a good heart and believes in forgiveness, turning one cheek, all that. You're still here crouched behind the plant in the corner, worm, and you always will be. You're a hobbled happy sunshine fella, and we'll care for you by throwing bits of bacon over our shoulders at the breakfast table. Please stop hiding your shit piles under the couch though. Look, we got you this new litter box right here. Tsk tsk, kids these days.

Feb 17, 1999

We see you peeking, worm. :::waving:::

Feb 17, 1999

Sorry, my friend,

Your references to my Mom's anus, sucking my priest's dick, et cetera, are terribly, terribly offensive. My mom's anus is a thing of beauty and I will not have you rebuking it. As for my priest's dick, it is not, indeed, a thing of beauty, but it functions as a dick should, and therein, I'm sure, lie the seeds of your jealousy.

If you're trying in some silly way to one-up me, then have at it. I invite all and sundry to one-up me. It's not hard. You simply try to make it hard (and therein, as well, lie the seeds of your jealousy), and, as a result, come up with posts like the one above, which is not very amusing, at least to me. I'm sure there are others who'll find it amusing, though, and you can get their pats on the back and their hidy-ho's and hearty-hars.

I will not, however, accept your bacon bits; I'm a vegetarian. And I must tell you that you are as wrong as anyone can be when you maintain that I've sold not one word to anyone. I've sold several words, and for money I can spend, not simply pats on the back, hearty-hars and hidy-ho's. You see, I have an imagination. I use it. And I enjoy using it.

I'm surprised I took the time to answer your post, downright silly as it was. Perhaps I've taken a breather between one lofty thought and another.

In the meantime, don't give up writing. With lots and lots of practice you'll eventually end up with lots and lots of words.

Anon

Feb 17, 1999

Thanks, STEVE. :-) Okay, okay, that's enough snapping back and forth. If you want to continue, please do so in The Cellar. I'd like to see some actual discussions get started here. For example, ANONYMOUS, I'd like to know exactly why you find THE STORM OF THE CENTURY to be such a bore ... in clear, non-mystifying language. Apparently you're not a Stephen King fan, but even so, the miniseries seems to me to be good enough to overcome that hurdle in most viewers. Do tell.

Ray

Feb 17, 1999

Ray,

A local reviewer just absolutely hated STORM OF THE CENTURY; he allotted it 1 star out of 10. I gave it a five-minute look, hated the fake snow, the wooden acting, the Stephen King archetypes and said to hell with it. You're going to say I didn't give it half a chance, but you'd be wrong. I didn't give 1% of a chance because I simply wasn't interested. So, instead of giving you informed remarks about the damned thing, I thought it would behoove me to badmouth it without having really seen it. This is a tried-and-true method of modern movie and book reviewing and I was simply getting on board with the rest of society.

Most of what Stephen King has brought to the small screen, and the large screen, has been absolutely awful. I guess I was just gunshy.

However, Ray, you're wrong when you say I'm not a Stephen King fan. I'm not a fan of the bloated, self-important Stephen King who's appeared since 1985 or so (and the publication of the truly godawful IT). I am a fan of his early work, as you know.

I'm also a fan of your work, as you also know. I was simply being a useless prick (and having fun at the same time).

Anonymous

Feb 17, 1999

Hey Ray...Little late the party, but welcome to the boards. And of course you brought your own groupies, very cool. I've always wanted someone to whisper nasty nothings in my ear. You are a lucky man.

Best to Ya

Weston

Feb 17, 1999

ANONYMOUS -- LOL! Yes, you're right ... slamming things unseen is pretty common practice today. Especially among right-wing "Christian" nutjobs ... they slammed THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST without even reading the script or the book it was based on, let alone seeing it. But I know what you mean about some of King's later stuff ... we've discussed that at length. THE STORM OF THE CENTURY, though, harks back to his early work and has made me shudder more than once, which is pretty damned good for a TV show (not counting the news).

Speaking of THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST, a Martin Scorsese film, and right-wing "Christian" nutjobs ... I recently watched Scorsese's TAXI DRIVER on DVD. A fantastic movie ... and I don't care what *anybody* says, as far as I'm concerned, it's a horror movie. I've seen it many times, but this time, Travis Bickle reminded me a lot of the Religious Wrong, who are so busy trying to legislate their own brand of morality and who keep trying to tell us they know what's best for us. In the movie, Travis was so preoccupied with the decay of society, moral and otherwise, that he was completely unaware of his own mental and moral decay. Just like the Religious Wrong.

Ray

Feb 17, 1999

Ray, I'm curious. What do you think of King's DARK TOWER series?...Brian Keene

Feb 17, 1999

BRIAN -- I started reading the first book in the series a long time ago, but just couldn't get through it. I honestly don't remember if it was because I didn't like it, or just wasn't in the mood for it. But I've heard so many great things about the series from so many people that I'll probably give it another try sometime soon. Have you read the series? If so, do you recommend that I try again?

Ray

Feb 17, 1999

That is not my post on Feb. 16. Dillon

Feb 18, 1999

RE: DARK TOWER...

I've noticed that many people who read, (or tried to read) the first book disliked it... "choppy reading" is a complaint I often hear. No arguments there. The first book IS choppy. The story was written in installments in F&SF. Grant threw them all together, slapped two covers on it, and there you go, DARK TOWER: THE GUNSLINGER was born. It wasn't written as a novel, and it sure doesn't read like one.

BUT...

Most of people I've talked to that suffered through the first, then took a chance on the second (DRAWING OF THE THREE), read the rest, and enjoyed them. THE GUNSLNGER is the stumbling block of this series, which sucks, falling down at the gates.

I would suggest to Ray, ( and to everyone else, too) that if you've tried THE GUNSLINGER and didn't make it though it, or *barely* made it through, give DRAWING OF THE THREE a shot. Hell, you can grab the first three books for next to nothing in used paperbacks... I think you'll find your buck and a quarter (don't ask me what that is in pounds) well-invested: there's a lot of good reading in the Dark Tower series.

Of course, it's not for everyone... it's more of a weird fantasy/western than a horror series. Also everyone should keep in mind the flak you'll get from reading and possibly *enjoying* Stephen King. Some people don't want that on their conscience...


Later!

--Geoff
(Who knows the difference between right and wrong and doesn't give half a shit)

Feb 18, 1999

Ray (and others): I concur with Geoff, although I thought that DRAWING OF THE THREE was the toughest book to get through. Parts 3 and 4 are pure literary magic and are two of the best books King has ever written, in my humble opinion. They make the first two books well worth the struggle. Plus, ******************SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER***************************with the obvious tie-in's to THE STAND and the upcoming return of a prominent SALEMS LOT character, the books become even better*********************END OF SPOILER. Try them out and see what you think...Brian Keene (who insists that Geoff is calling from the bottom of the sea when he leaves messages on my answering machine)

Feb 18, 1999

Ray,

The following takes up a bit of space on your board, but it goes along with the "Religious Wrong" stuff above. Thought you'd enjoy it.

T.M.

Falwell Calls 'Teletubby' Gay

By DAVID REED Associated Press Writer

ROANOKE, Va. (AP) - Is Tinky Winky gay?

The Rev. Jerry Falwell suspects so, telling parents that the purple ``Teletubbies'' character from the popular children's television show is a homosexual role model.

Under a headline that reads ``Parents Alert: Tinky Winky Comes Out of the Closet,'' an article in the February edition of the National Liberty Journal notes that Tinky Winky has the voice of a boy yet carries a purse.

``He is purple - the gay-pride color; and his antenna is shaped like a triangle - the gay-pride symbol,'' the story said. The paper is edited and published by Falwell.

Falwell contends the ``subtle depictions'' are intentional and in a statement issued Tuesday said, ``As a Christian I feel that role modeling the gay lifestyle is damaging to the moral lives of children.''

A spokesman for Itsy Bitsy Entertainment Co., which licenses the Teletubbies in the United States, said that what Falwell's newspaper described as a purse is actually Tinky Winky's magic bag.

``The fact that he carries a magic bag doesn't make him gay,'' Steve Rice said. ``It's a children's show, folks. To think we would be putting sexual innuendo in a children's show is kind of outlandish.''

The British show aimed at toddlers began airing on U.S. public television stations last spring and is now as popular as Barney, a singing dinosaur who also happens to be purple.

The Teletubbies are portrayed by actors in oversized, brightly colored costumes. They all have television screens on their tummies and, according to the story line, live in a superdome hidden in the hills.

Other than Tinky Winky, the troupe features Dipsy in green, Laa-Laa in orange and Po in red. The Teletubbies dance, sing and share ``bi-i-ig hugs'' beneath a radiant sun emblazoned with the face of a laughing infant.

Rice said Falwell was attacking ``something sweet and innocent'' to further his conservative political agenda. ``To out a Teletubby in a preschool show is kind of sad on his part. I really find it absurd and kind of offensive,'' he said.

Falwell's spokeswoman, Laura Swickard, said the founder of the now-defunct Moral Majority agreed with everything that was in the NLJ article and would not comment beyond his one-paragraph statement.

In 1997, Falwell urged General Motors, Chrysler and Johnson & Johnson to withdraw their sponsorship of an episode of the sitcom ``Ellen'' when the lead character announced her homosexuality.

Feb 18, 1999

STORM OF THE CENTURY -- I'll have to wait for the video. I hate miniseries, I don't like to commit three or four nights just to tv. I must confess also, huge books (anything over 500 pages) intimidate me. I look at them and think 'do I have the time to commit to this?' I have to work, teach three classes at a local college and write. Not to mention the wife. ---I'll watch SOTC when it comes out on video. Besides, one installment was on opposite of Buffy. Can't miss Buff! Ray, you're a lucky, lucky man to be able to write about here. Don't kill Drucilla or Faith in your books, please! Faith is a hottie. ----Steven Lee Climer

Feb 18, 1999

Oh come on. Are you telling me you don’t know about the plot by those evil homosexuals … the one where they end the human race? Well let me enlighten you. See most people expect Armageddon to be this great war or something of that nature. But oh no. Armageddon will announce itself not with a bang, but with a gay pride parade. Homosexuals, you see, are servants of the dark lord, Satan! The have enlisted the aid of the Walt Disney Corp., Quaker Oats, and Microsoft to help them subvert the children of the world. Their sinister plan is to turn all children gay by influencing them with the likes of Tinky Winky and Ellen, thus the next generation of mankind will be the last. And what of those good Christians like Falwell who hold out and try to reproduce? Their women will be forced to have abortions, of course.

Whoa, excuse me. I don’t know what happened. I think I was possessed by Oral Roberts there for a second.

Christ, Falwell has really stepped of the cliffs of insanity hasn’t he. If there is any justice in the universe, Jerry Falwell will spend eternity getting ass-fucked by any number of tools from the Black-n-Decker catalogue.

Chuck

Feb 18, 1999

In the great existential scheme of things, Jerry Falwell is as much a victim as a victimizer. His programming allows him to do no more or less than what he has done, is doing, and will do. Just like the rest of us.

A Realist

Feb 18, 1999

By "programming" I mean, of course, his brain programming.

Feb 18, 1999

Programming can be changed, REALIST. Believe it or not, thanks to some early programming I got, I burned some books because some church people convinced me I was going to become possessed by demons if I kept them. I don't mean if I *read* them, I mean, if I just *kept* them in my house! They would draw demons to me, who would then take my soul, and I would never get to Heaven. Now, if you knew me personally, Realist, you would think that couldn't POSSIBLY be true. There's no way I would burn books, not even books written by Pat Robertson and Jerry Fallwell. That's how much I've changed, how much my *programming* has changed. Fallwell is no victim. A man his age has had plenty of chances to turn his back on the bigotry and hatred he so proudly practices, but he hasn't done it. He may choose to one day, and that would be wonderful -- I'd really like to see that happen! But for now, he's not a victim, and neither is he a Christian nor a man of God. He is a *victimizer*, and I'm guessing he really *enjoys* it because he's always *smiling*.

Thank you, T.M., for posting that wonderful bit of lunacy on the board. This proves that the Religious Wrong doesn't give a damn what anybody else thinks ... those religious fanatics don't care how crazy they sound ... because they know that we're all lost, damned, doomed to burn in Hell, so our opinions mean nothing and they can publicly discuss crackpot ideas like The Teletubbies pushing homosexuality on kids. That very same "us and them" mentality was a major part of cults like the People's Temple, the Branch Davidian's, and Heaven's Gate. But I don't think these people are going to kill themselves ... they're too busy trying to convert or wipe out everyone *else* (and frankly, I don't think they're that interested in *converting* anyone). If they were true Christians, if they truly patterned their lives after Jesus Christ, their religion would be a very *personal* thing -- Jesus told his followers to pray in their closet and not make a big show of it -- and they would be too busy trying to keep their own spiritual houses clean to be snooping around in the "houses" of others. Every time I hear people like Fallwell referred to as "Christians", I want to vomit.

Besides, if the people who produce THE TELETUBBIES (a show I watch occasionally, because it's *so* surreal) were really homosexuals with an agenda, do you think they'd call their company "Itsy Bitsy"? I think not.

Don't worry, STEVE, Drucilla and Faith aren't in my book. Actually, the books are all taking place outside the story arcs on the show (except for the novelizations). A bit of trivia: Did you know that the actress who plays Drucilla is the daughter of actors Martin Landau and Barbara Bain, of the original MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE? As for Faith being a babe ... well, maybe so. But she's also an evil, betraying little BEAST!

Ray

Feb 18, 1999

Of course programming can be changed. I KNOW that. Falwell's wasn't, otherwise, very, very simply, he wouldn't be the asshole he is now. His progamming makes him an asshole. The pluses and minuses of his mental programming make him an asshole. He can't help it. He's got to want to change it, and that want involves still MORE programming, which, in him, is simply lacking. Get it? If, because of his programming, he could do other than what he does, he would DO IT. It's a simple equation. Two and two almost always add up to four, not six, or five, or eight. His mental programming adds up to, I don't know, 11.45. Someone else's adds up to something else. Falwell can't do 12.00 behavior because his programming limits him to 11.45 behavior. Get it? Still a Realist

Feb 18, 1999

GET IT ... on somebody else's message board, "Realist".

Ray

Feb 18, 1999

I would like some cheese.

Feb 18, 1999

They don't like it when you disagree with them, Realist. Dillon

Feb 18, 1999

Clearly, Dillon, RG does not know how to counter my argument. So he demands that I leave his board. A Realist

Feb 18, 1999

'If they were true Christians, if they truly patterned their lives after Jesus Christ, their religion would be a very *personal* thing -- Jesus told his followers to pray in their closet and not make a big show of it....' And who made you the authority on what makes for a good Christian, Ray? There are passages from the bible that support (or seem to support) Fallwell's beliefs as well if not better than your own paraphrase from the 'good book' supports (or seems to support) yours (after all, praying and 'spreading the word' are two different things).

You seem to be every bit as smug in your belief as the 'Religious Wrong'. And just as wrong or right. And just as intolerant of others beliefs. In short, no better at all.

And if you had a position of power like Fallwell -- you would be just as much a threat to our individualism as he. And just as much a victim of your own programming.

Dillon

Feb 18, 1999

Any fans of DAVID MARTIN here? He's the author of TAP, TAP, BRING ME CHILDREN, LIE TO ME, and others, including CUL DE SAC, the book I'm reading now. This guy is great. I first became familiar with him when I read his novel THE CRYING HEART TATTOO. It was a wonderful, funny, sad love story, and after reading it, I never would have guessed that Martin would turn to horror and suspense. But when he did, he did it with a vengeance. There's something about Martin's work that reminds me of T.M. Wright's. There are no similarities in style or content ... but each writer manages to effortlessly set me on edge in a way so subtle, I haven't pinned it down yet. I haven't met too many people who are familiar with Martin, and that's too bad, because I think his work is incredible. If you haven't read him, check him out. If you have ... what do *you* think?

Ray

Feb 18, 1999

Ray--Ach! I got it wrong. The name of Lynch's new series is MULHOLLAND DRIVE not MULHOLLAND FALLS. He originally planned a movie by the name of MULHOLLAND DRIVE but made LOST HIGHWAY (a flawed, but still pretty eerie movie) instead. Not sure if this is the same thing or not. I didn't see MULHOLLAND FALLS but it looked pretty cool. Speaking of movies, I was watching ANGEL HEART earlier on DVD. Have you seen that one? I love it. Robert DeNiro as the Devil is just perfect. Dang, BIOFIRE's out? Man, I'll need to order it pronto. Later, tom McAlister

Feb 18, 1999

Hello again Ray, Thanks for letting me know the latest concerning the follow-up to Live Girls. Besides the Buffy books and "411" what else can we expect to see from you and and will it actuoaay be out. I was one of the pre-order folks for BIOFIRE. Why did it take so long to come out between announcemnet and actually seeing print. Thanks James

Feb 19, 1999

Blimey!
Has the world been waiting for a Ray Garton board or what?
I guess we'll have to wait a couple of years for STORM OF THE CENTURY over here in the UK. As for the 'Teletubbies', when my boy was tiny it was fun. However after years and years of OTT merchandising, a hit record and getting sick of seeing that damn baby in the sunshine (who must be about 8 now!), I hate all four of them now with a *passion*. Is the show "Americanized" in any way? I suppose the "film" clips in each episode are of American children not British ones?
And am I glad we don't have lunatics like Falwell here. Well we probably do have them, but no one listens. In fact, 'Tinky Winky' has been a gay icon in the UK for some time, I kid you not.
Hottest topic of the week in Britain is the terror of 'genetically modified' foods. We've all just discovered that virtually all food we buy in the UK contains some 'modified' ingredients. When tests were done on lab rats their immune system was affected and they suffered internal organ failures. It has transpired that pollen from 'GM' crops could be causing serious ecological problems (DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS anyone?!) and the owner of the leading supermarket chain here just happens to own the patent for one of the key genes used in this process. However our Prime Minister says 'there is nothing to worry about' and that he eats 'genetically modified' products. Now this is real life HORROR! I wonder when we'll get our first genetically modified horror novel?

Andy F.

Feb 19, 1999

Dillon,

Here's the difference between Ray's "religious" beliefs and Jerry Falwell's: Ray is right, Jerry Falwell is wrong. It's a simple, quantifiable difference. Under the (nightmare of nightmares) leadership of the Jerry Falwell types, we would live under an authoritarian dictatorship. Under the leadership of Ray Garton types, we would all be pretty much free to be who we are (within reason) without fear of being dumped on by the state. I prefer the Ray Garton leadership. How about you?

T.M. Wright

Feb 19, 1999

Ray; did you catch the last night of STORM OF THE CENTURY? I don't know about anyone else, but I was highly impressed. Definitely one of the best mini-series I've seen in some time. I'll grant you Tim Daly isn't an Academy Award Winning actor and he was a little flat in the first two installments, but in that final episode I thought he did a marvelous job. Man, he had my guts twisted up in knots. Very chilling work.

Chuck

Feb 19, 1999

TOM -- I agree that LOST HIGHWAY is flawed, didn't come close to BLUE VELVET...but it's a movie I keep going back to. Every time I see it, I have the feeling that I aaallmost have it figured out! Of course, I never do, but I always feel so close that I want to watch it again! And Robert Blake was chilling.

JAMES -- I wrote BIOFIRE three years ago, maybe more, and sold it to Bantam before they published my novel SHACKLED, which they'd purchased some time earlier. My agent and I weren't satisfied with the way they handled SHACKLED, so she went about getting BIOFIRE back from them so we could place it somewhere else. By that time, I'd made a deal with Cemetery Dance for a limited hardcover edition. The delay was due to the fact that it took us longer to get BIOFIRE back from Bantam than we had anticipated.

ANDY -- Holy crap! Sounds like you've got some mad scientists working overtime there! The thing I find especially frightening about your post is that your Prime Minister is encouraging you to go ahead and eat that stuff because *he* eats it! Very, Very creepy. ... I don't think the Teletubbies have been changed at all for U.S. audiences because the British children are still in the show. That's probably because it's on public television. If it were a Saturday morning or weekday afternoon show on some network, they probably would have revamped it and dumbed it down.

T.M. -- Heh-heh, thanks. You know, I've been *meaning* to rule the world, but I've just been too busy.

CHUCK -- Yes, I was riveted to THE STORM OF THE CENTURY and I was not disappointed. I've heard some people say they didn't like the ending, that it was anticlimactic ... but I thought it was pretty damned horrifying!

Ray

Feb 19, 1999

Ray, the ending of STORM that I didn't like was the epilogue bit. There was an especially unfulfilling aspect to it considering the tautness of the story beforehand. Suddenly nine or ten years are compressed into 10 minutes, and of all the world Linoge happens to wind up in SF with Tim Daly. It played out particularly ludicrous, in my opinion. Everything up to that point was tight and controlled and emotionally gripping, but the capper was pretty weak. Des.

Feb 19, 1999

'Under the leadership of Ray Garton types, we would all be pretty much free to be who we are (within reason) without fear of being dumped on by the state.' It's that 'within reason' that's the problem, T.M.. Too vague. You'd have us all eating rabbit food. Ray'd be more of a dictator than a leader of a democracy (judging by his habit of dismissing anybody who disagrees with his views). I'd have Black Sabbath and Ozzy as mandatory listening in our school music classes, elevators, super markets, doctor's offices and malls.

'Within reason'? Like the bible, this phrase is open to interpretation, as well as deliberate, self-serving misinterpretation. Not very reassuring.

Dillon

Feb 19, 1999

Hi, Ray - glad to see a message board for you up and running again, having been a sad witness to the Horrornet boards' demise. Anyhow - David Martin. Yes, a fantastic writer with a keen sense of menacing evil. BRING ME CHILDREN and TAP TAP I thought were his best works and CUL-DE-SAC probably my least favorite. Just a bit weak on the suspense factor and didn't quite live up to the first novel of that character, LIE TO ME. But even CUL-DE-SAC was a fine example of just how frightening suspense can be. Martin definitely knows how to write fiction that bites. Riley

Feb 19, 1999

As usual, Dillon, you fail miserably to understand what the hell I'm talking about.

So what's the point in discussing it?

T.M.

Feb 20, 1999

Ray--I read an interview with Barry Gifford who co-wrote LOST HIGHWAY with David Lynch and he did a pretty darn good job of explaining what he felt the movie was about to him anyway (which compares to what I think it's about) but he said that if you asked Lynch, he'd disagree or wouldn't say at all. Gifford is a great writer. Have you read any of his stuff? His Sailor and Lulu stories are just the perfect balance between the horrific and the absurd. Lynch did a pretty good job of bringing them to the screen with WILD HEART. And Yeah, BLUE VELVET is probably his best work. Although, ERASERHEAD gets me everytime, and TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME is truly chilling and a wonderful horror movie. tom McAlister

Feb 20, 1999

TOM -- ERASERHEAD is probably the most disturbing movie I've ever seen. No matter how many times I see it, it gets under my skin and festers. I've heard a lot of explanations for that movie, but my favorite is that it's about the horrors of dating, marriage, and having children. But whatever Lynch had in mind when he concocted that picture, it's a work of genius.

MICHAEL THOMAS DILLON -- I'm going to acknowledge you only once for the benefit of posters here who are not familiar with you. You say I dismiss anyone who disagrees with me, and that is, of course, nonsense, and you know it. I have no problem at all with people who disagree with me, and enjoy having discussions with them. But I prefer those discussions to be civil, and when they cease to be, *then* I dismiss them. You have *never* been civil. You are consistently rude, and more often than not, you disagree only for the sake of argument ... and I do mean *argument*. You don't want to have a conversation, you can't discuss ... all you want is to demean and insult and be snide. I refuse to engage in that sort of exchange with you, so I will ignore you from now on, as I have until now. You say that makes me some kind of "dictator", that's fine. That's the same kind of reasoning you employ when you say putting your name on someone else's story and submitting it was only an effort to prove to the writer that you were right about the way the story should end. No, you're not a plagiarist, you say ... you were just teaching a young writer a lesson. Think whatever you like about me, Michael. I don't care, it doesn't matter to me, because you don't matter to me. And please know that coming to this message board is a complete waste of your time. You've made your feelings about me known, now you can go away. Because no matter what you write here, I will neither read it nor respond to it, and I would appreciate it if everyone else here would do the same. I'm serious, folks ... this known plagiarist and trouble-maker on other message boards is simply not worth the effort.

Ray

Feb 20, 1999

Sounds good to me.

I'd also like to say that I've disagreed with Ray on more than one occasion and each time I've found him more than willing to attempt to understand my side of the argument.
The thing about Ray is he simply doesn't allow you to be a halfwit when you're having a discussion with him. You can't just leap into an argument with Ray and say "YOU'RE WRONG! YOU'RE STUPID! I'M RIGHT!" He requires that you use your head and provide SUBSTANCE behind your arguments when having a serious discussion and that's one of the things that makes it so cool that we have a chance to communicate with him.
The accusation that Ray Garton refuses to listen to other people's opinions is crap. Ray refuses to listen to unsubstantiated, senselessly insulting bullshit from people who refuse to grant him the decency of common respect. And who the fuck can blame him?
Adios,
Matt

Feb 20, 1999

Dillon:

I just wanted to say something regarding your alleged plagiarism. Not knowing the full details, I won't go so far as to accuse you of doing so, but IMHO the decent thing to do would have given co-credit to the original author. For example, "Horror Story" by Michael Dillon AND XX Authoress.

'Nuff said,
Mike

Feb 20, 1999

Ray, Great to see this Board!! As you know, I've read just about everything you've written and liked all of them. I just didn't like LOT LIZZARDS and PIECES OF HATE. i think it's because POH had such different styles of short stories...more topical and opinionated. I liked some of the stories, just not as intensely as METHODS OF MADNESS...make sense? Anyways 411 ruled and BIOFIRE is up after the latest Grisham. STORM was a great read and it was a good series, I'm glad the "bad guy" won...so far. Take care, Paul PS Who has a dog named OZZY?? Not saying it dosen't "fit", just that all people know RONNIE JAMES DIO IS GOD!!!!!