Rookey slipped and fell off a cliff. he went splat.

 Joe looked up from his newspaper upon hearing the splat. His life had
been pretty uneventful ever since he left the city and built this log cabin
at the bottom of a cliff six months ago.  "Hmm, sounds like someone fell off
the cliff," he said to a stone turtle sitting alone in the corner.  "I think
I should investigate." He grabbed a wiffle ball bat and his cape and
headed out the door. "If I'm not back in an hour, call for help!" he
instructed Maurice, the turtle.  Maurice stared blankly at the wall.
 When Joe walked outside, he saw Rookey's body splattered all over his
back porch. "dammit, that blood's gonna stain."  Suddenly there was a
growling behind him, sorta like a raccoon that had been hit by an ice cream
truck and left for dead.

 The growling came from a large insect crouched on the floor. It had
recently escaped the circus, and wasn't too happy about its new home
getting sticky with human entrails. It took a bite out of an old stone
turtle while it waited for a reaction from the caped man standing in front
of it.
 Its name was Blaquey, the hatchet-juggling cockroach. Truthfully, it
was more of a fly, but noone seemed to care except it. It understood
perfect
English, but it couldn't speak it, and frankly didn't give two bags of
llama droppings either way.

 "So, Blaquey...we meet again," said joe as he kept his distance and
scratched his a*s.  He showed no concern for Maurice...he was a big turtle,
he could take care of himself. Maurice continued staring at the wall,
oblivious of the fact that he had a huge bite taken out of his shell. He
had
seen better days...his twelve years in Greenland, living among the Inuit,
stood out. Joe continued to scratch his a*s...ever have one of those itches
that just wouldn't go away? "I was just reading about your recent escape,"
he
told the bug. His cape flowed in the wind like a pair of shorts from a
flagpole.
 "Your hatchet throwing act was the best in the region, you have fans
in all four corners of the globe, why abandon that now?" The bug growled
again, and gave a toothy grin. Joe kept a firm grip on the wiffle ball bat.
He'd been alone in this cabin since his housemate had left four months
earlier....he was ready for some action. "Would you like to settle this
over
tea, or do we have to do this the hard way, the MAN'S way?" he asked the
bug.
The bug growled again. "Okay," said Joe, "the MAN'S way it is." He walked
back inside from the back porch and began searching through a cabinet in
the
corner of the room.  He turned around holding a deck of UNO playing cards.
 "Who deals?"

 A beautiful white haired woman appeared. "Blaquey! There you are!
I was worried about you!" She rushed forward andwrapped her arms around
it. She petted it loovingly. "I missed you, Blaquey. You know you
shouldn't eat stone turtles." She admonished gently. "Come on, Sweetling.
Let's go home."

 "NOOO!! NO CIRCUS!!!!!" It pulled a hatchet out of nowhere and
slammed it into the woman's head. She crumpled.

[DISCLAIMER: The following post was the sole opinion of Blaquey the hatchet
juggling cockro...er...fly, and not shared by Blaquesmith, Warder of the
Fringe, AoX Micah, Micah the Askani member, Jack Creed, BS, Mike Peterson,
or the planet Earth in general. Have a nice day.]

 She shook her head as she got up again. "Now, Blaquey. I didn't
mean the circus. I've found a nice place for us to go live. I promise no
circus. Don't you want to go to a nice safe place away fromt he circus
where no one will ever hurt my sweet Blaquey?" She asked gently, petting
it.

 A teenaged boy in blue raced by on a metallic skateboard.
 "She's lying Blaquey."
 "NO CIRCUS!!!!" It pulled out the biggest hatchet the planet will
ever see and impaled her with it. The boy rode off into the distance.

 "Put that cockroach down!" The woman looked up. Oh no! It was old man
Deccy! "Back in my day we had a little respect for our elders. And so
you...
and then I... uhm........................ TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!!"
 The yell interrupted Joe, who was busy practicing his new cape poses
and thinking about buying some bubble gum to chew up and fill in the bite
Blaquey took out of Maurice. Joe looked at the old geezer. He was eerily
familiar. Joe approached the old codger and said, "Hey. Don't I know you?"
 "Hmmmm? Wait a minute. Let me clean m'bifocals." Old Man Deccy then
proceeded to try to find his bifocals, which he didn't actually have. After
about 3 hours, he gives up and just wipes his eyeballs with his filthy,
crusty, old shirt. Peering closely at Joe, he said, "Ah yes. Last time I
saw
you, you were lookin for a job."
 "THAT'S IT! Yeah, that was right about the time I lost my... watch...
Uhm, just like the one-"
 "Oh my! Is that the time?! Gotta go! Matlock is on!" and he scurried
around the back of the house to put on a Matlock puppet show with Rookey's
intestines. Then, the phone rang...

 Joe stepped over the small bottle of heart medicine that old Deccy
had dropped on his way out and picked up the phone.  "What do you want?" he
asked.  He'd realized a long time ago that people talk and talk and talk
and talk and talk to you about nothing in particular if you let them.  By
asking them what they want right off the bat, you're probably saving
yourself two hours of pointless gabbing.  "Is this Joe Powers, the caped
wonder?" asked a female voice.  Must be another fan, Joe thought to
himself.  "As a matter of fact, yes.  Yes it is.  I'm assuming you're
calling to have a conversation with one of the most influential people of
the 20th century," he told her.  What could he say, people loved him.
The woman snickered and answered, "actually, I was calling to ask if you
were still selling that cow.  I saw your ad in.."  Joe interupted.  "The
cow got anthrax and died."  He hung up.  He could never let the truth get
out, that the cow had stolen his credit cards and his car one dark night
three months earlier and taken off for Vegas.  People just wouldn't
understand.  Joe looked out the window.  Old man Deccy was sitting in a
bloody puddle out on the patio, holding Rookey's liver and telling it
stories about the war.  "He'll be alright for a few hours I suppose," he
told himself.  "Now to settle this business with the bug.  He walked into
the next room, still holding the deck of UNO cards.  The cockroach was
sleeping under the table, resting it's head on a dirty corn chip.  The
white haired woman was gone.  "So, Blaquey," the bug awoke and hissed.
"I'll deal."  Joe was still clutching the wiffle ball bat.  There had
only been one instance since he'd moved out here that he had actually had
to use it.
 So the two sat down at Joe's coffee table and began playing UNO, a
true contest of wits.  About two hours into the game, the doorbell rang.
"Excuse me," Joe said, standing up.  "You'd better not cheat, or I'll
squash you like a bug!!"  Blaquey continued chewing on the doily as he'd
been doing all night long.  Joe made his way to the front door, tripping
several times over his cape.  When he opened the door...

 There was the boy in blue again. This time, we was accompanied by an
Asian-American girl in a yellow trenchcoat.
 "Blaquey! He wants to take you to the circus!"
 "NO CIRCUS!!!" Blaquey pulls out a gigantic hatchet and let's Joe
have it, blade first.
 "Hey, just go wit' what ya know! CIAO!"

 Blaquey resumed his doily chewing, as Joe lay on the ground,
bleeding. He looked to Maurice for help, but Maurice merely stared back as
if
to say, "listen you son of a b*tch, if I can handle a big bite out of my
a*s, you can handle a measly sliced arm.  Besides, I'm an inanimate
object!"  Of course, he can't talk, so this is basically guesswork on
Joe's part.
 "That damned boy in blue, you'll get yours yet!" he said aloud. That
reminded him of a Beatles song, and he started whistling. Then he fell
asleep
on the floor.  When he woke up, there was a family of rabbits nestled in
his
cape, and a bluebird was pecking at his toes. A deer was rummaging through
the cookie jar, and a chipmunk was eating strawberries on his lap. Blaquey
was passed out on the carpet with an empty bottle of tequila. Joe could
still
hear old man Deccy on the patio talking to the liver. Joe stood up,
dropping
the animals on the floor (except for one rabbit that seemed to be stuck to
his cape), and he stretched. "Look at this place!" he said. "Just LOOK at
this place!! It looks like every creature in the forest has spent some time
in here!" Then he glanced at the calender. It was July 13th!! "Ah hell!!"
he
said.  "I've got company coming over tonight!!  It's the big karaoke
blast!!"  As he began picking up the various pieces of litter on thr
floor, he heard footsteps coming from outside....

 "Partytime!" Image popped through the door and tripped over a
departing deer. "Hey!" She glared at the deer and made her way inside.
"Nice
cockroach Joe." She started pulling several items of junk out of a worn and
battered backpack. "Ok, I brought the Jolt and Dr. Pepper-spiked of course-
and the queso. I talked Feve into babysitting Collin this time." She
grinned
evilly. "So, where is everyone?"

 A knock was heard. Joe quickly sniffed his armpits and answered the
door. It was a large man in a black trench coat. He said, "You are Joe, the
Crapped Wonder?"
 "Caped Wonder."
 The man looked at him for a moment. Then pulled out a clipboard from
under his coat. He stared at it for a few moments more. Then back at Joe.
"This sez 'Crapped Wonder'."
 "Whatever. What do you want?"
 "Sign here." the man said as he handed Joe the clipboard. Joe signed
it and gave it back. The man altered the signature to read "Crapped
Wonder",
gave Joe an envelope, and left. Joe opened the envelope. Inside was a
letter
which read:
 "Dear Crappy, yer credit cards are maxed out and I'm out of cash. So
send $53.12 to Vegas or you'll never see your precious little friend again.
-Mooo"
 Panic stricken, Joe scanned the room for little Maurice. "NO! He's
gone! Gone, I tell yo- Oh. Wait. There he is. So what did the cow mean?" He
started chewing his cape, as he always does when he's nervous, when he
noticed something. His cape. It was gone.
"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!"
The sound of the man in the trenchcoat's car peeling out was heard just
before it sped off into the distance. Joe grabbed Maurice, threw him into a
duffel bag, and tied Blaquey to his back. Then he went outside to get the
last member of his crack squadron to free his cape. He grabbed the liver
from
Deccy's hands and took off. Old Deccy hobbled after him cursing horribly
and
waving his cane in the air.
 Meanwhile, Joe decided to get to Vegas using....

 ...UPS. As the entire group of them was crammed into one box,
including Old Man Deccy, the packing crate, labelled "Fifty-Seventh Class:
Please Bend and Fold," soon began to smell. Horribly.
 "No circus?" whimpered Blaquey, crushed at the bottom of the box,
with Deccy's dentures jammed in his ear for no apparent reason.
 "You're getting annoying, you know that?" came a voice.
 Joe tried to look around, but his head was twisted around to breathe
out of a crack in the box. "Who said that? Maurice?" No answer." Blaquey?
no,
that doesn't make any sense...Deccy?"
 "Shut up!" cried a hoarse voice with no teeth.
 "No, not Deccy..."
 "It's me, moron!" everyone looked, and, jammed up Deccy's armpit was
Rookey's liver. "I'm getting sick of this %$%@*@*ing RP!!! I'm out of
here!"
The liver grew arms and legs, smacked Deccy for using him as a puppet, and
left out of a hole in the box.
 "So, what happens next?"
 "All right, who was THAT?"
 "Me!" Image sat on the box itself, eating a banana creme pie. "When
does the party start?"
 "No circus..." whimpered Blaquey again.

 Old man Deccy let out some poo gas and blamed it on Maurice.

 "Sick Deccy." says Image. Blaquey looks out an airhole and sees a
pair of familiar figures...
 "NO CIRCUS!!!!!!" Hatchets fly everywhich way. The three travellers
barely manage to dodge. The box collapses. As the dust clears, the entire
bunch of them are tangled in the rubble of the box and other packages.
 "Damn that boy in blue and girl in the trenchcoat. They'll get theirs
yet."
 "Not boy and girl. Animal crackers." responds Blaquey. Joe smacks his
head.
 "We're over here." Blaquey looks and sees the two.
 "NO CIRCUS!!!!" More hatchets fly, bringing all the remaining boxes
down on the hapless travellers.
 "I love doin' that ta 'em."
 "What do you expect? It's a running gag thing." They rocket off.
 "This is gonna be a looooooooong trip..." says Joe before he blacks
out.
 

 "Unhand that cockroach Boy in Blue, or prepair to face the
consequences!" The two turned to see Image standing with her hands on her
hips, a long worn lightgreen blanket hanging off of her shoulders in a
cape.
"Put him down 'Nado. Now!"

 "It's more of a fly. We don't have any cockroaches. Sorry we can't be
of help. Later!" They rocket off faster than Image can follow.

 "NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Blaquey's screams didn't seem to faze the
boy in blue or his partner, so finally it sighed and unzipped his costume,
proving he wasn't really a fly or a cockroach, but a really smelly guy in a
bug suit. "Pardon me, but this is my stop."
 Upon seeing the bug's transformation, the boy and blue dropped him.
Unfortunately, he was still up in the air. After picking his ribs out of
his nose, he stood to find image holding a very large weapon, a sort of
"BFG"
 "Jerk! I was gonna save you!" She fired, disintegrating Blaquey. Of
course, Blaquey was to be the world's savior in the future, and without
him, time kinda got tangled, and the universe went sorta backwards. After
all, he was supposed to kill all those Summers guys.

 "Dagnabit!" Old man Deccy yelled. "You don't just go around
disintegrating circus midgets! Our insurance don't cover it!" With that,
the
old man slapped the weapon out of Image's hand. He picked it up and held it
so that the "Disintegrator" label was facing up. He pulled out a fat old
eraser (don't ask where he pulled it from, you don't want to know) and
erased
the "Dis". He fired it at Blaquey's remains and was reintegrated!
 But as the smoke cleared, it became obvious that something had gone
wrong. Standing before them was not the form of Blaquey or even the smelly
little man. Instead, it was....... a mime! (bum bum buuuuum!)
 Then a guy wavy black hair and sunglasses driving a '57 Chevy pulled
up. He said his name was Smelvis Parsley and offered the gang a ride to
Vegas
if they would polka dance with him. They did. A glorious time was had by
all,
except when Deccy broke his hip. Again. And since the only band was the
mime
miming a polka band, no one was quite sure when to stop.
 Meanwhile, Joe was dealing with the loss of his cape. He wandered
into the near-by town, called The Near-By Town, in search of a substitute
cape. He had to make do with stapling several cow patties together. It
kinda
stank, but it would do. When he got back, he got into the Chevy, pulled out
it's cigarette lighter, and began sucking on it like a pacifier, thus
signaling to all that the dance was over.
 Everyone (including Smelvis) crammed into the trunk, so as to avoid
being seen by the border patrol who were but a scant 3400 miles away. But
fate smiled upon them as there was a hole in the bottom of the trunk large
enough for Smelvis to stick one leg through and push the car along.

 "I can't breathe in here." A muffled Image spoke up from the back of
the trunk. Her face and most of her upper body were twisted up in her
overly long cape/blanket/thingy.
 "Does this help?" Someone pulled the blanket down.
 "Yesh, thanks." Image looked up to see two men in black suits
standing over the trunk. "Oh dear..."
 "Please step out of the trunk."
 "Umm..." Things did not look good.  If only they hadn't lost Rookey's
kidney, they could have used it to defeat these strange men in black(no,
no, not *those* Men in Black). "Umm..." >>Blaquey! They want to take you
back to the Circus!<<
 "NO MORE CIRCUS!!!!!!!" Blaquey signed vhemently. Hatchets flew out
at odd angles, catching the two men in very painful, if not embarressing
body parts, as well as nearly destroying the trunk.
The group looked down at the two bleeding and definitly dead men in
black.  Smelvis started lecturing Blaquey on how not to be cruel, and
old man Deccy took one of the men's spleens, stuck a popsicle stick in
it, and started using it as a puppet.
 "Maybe this wasn't the best idea..." Image said to no one in
particular.

 As if on cue, the mime pulled out a .45 and shot each one. Of course,
he had forgotten the bullets. He frowned, and tried to run away. He went
nowhere, however, as he was running into the wind, all the while walking an
invisible dog, and being trapped inside an invisible box. Everyone groaned,
as he wasn't even a very good mime. "Fine," he said, "I'll just talk then."

 Then, in the distance, they saw a large piece of fabric...
 "THE CAPE!"
 All the travellers turned towards it, just in time to see the boy in
blue again...
 "No circus..."
 "No circus! We're working for the cow! He pays better!" The
trenchcoated girl appeared next to him.
 "An we're videotapin' this fer Saget too! We'll be rich!"
 "Diabolical!" exclaims Image as the two teens disappear over the
horizon with the cape...

 But before she could continue, she had a mouth full of spleen and a
popsicle stick. "Shut yer yappin!" Old Man Deccy cried! "We still got to
get
ta Vegas afore....uhmm..... Why ARE we goin' ta Vegas?"
 "To traverse that fickle road called Justice," Joe said. "When the
dog of Evil wets on the carpet of Humanity, we must be ever vigilant with
the
rolled up newspaper of Goodness! Bad dog! BAD DOG!"
 Blaquey suddenly had the undeniable urge to smack him over the head
with one of those Viewfinder toys, but having none, he mimed it. Poorly. In
fact, it was done so poorly that a passing moose, who was hitching south
for
the Vernal Equinox, mistook it for the "I-Am-Soooooooo-Drunk" dance of the
Northern Slut Moose. It began to charge! But at the last minute, he decided
to write a check instead.
 With disaster averted once again, the valiant crew climbed back into
the Chevy and hooked up a sail using Deccy's pants, who claimed he didn't
need them and duct taped the spleen over his navel and rambled loudly about
how the only reason he was going was to see Wayne Newton and because he
liked
being able to shave while lying in bed.
 And soon, after a few brief stops to save the Pope, halt all drug
trafficking into Nome, Alaska, pull a splinter out of the president's
forehead, stopping an invasion of alien Drew Barrymore Look-a-Likes, and
kicking themselves really hard for that last one, they arrived in Las
Vegas!!
 They stayed at a quaint little inn with a big sign out front
featuring a double image of a yellowish St. Lewis Arch and some Scottish or
Irish name that no one could seem to remember. The rooms were small and
rather open to the rest of the inn. But no one complained as the courteous
staff never mentioned paying for the rooms and seemed eager to supply them
with fresh, inexpensive food.
 As they all settled in to sleep, a disturbing "Mmmooooooooooooo!!!!"
echoed in the distance!

 The next morning, as they were getting dressed (in the same clothes
they had worn the same day before, of course), Blaquey the once-mime perked
up. "I know how we can get the cow!"
 "How?" Everyone crowded around in a circle to listen, which prompted
them to sing a few rounds of "Kumbaya" before Blaquey explained. Everyone
thought it would be a great idea and put the plan in motion. They put a
dish
of milk on the floor in the center of the room, with a large milk crate
over
it, propped up with a stick. When their prey went for the milk, they would
catch him, and then they'd have Hulko, the giant green Vegas wrestler on
their side!
 That night, they heard a thump. Their trap worked! Of course, the
crate was about 100 times too small, and that made Hulko angry.
 "HULKO SMASH!!"
 "Nooooo......" Image burst in half, and the new woman teleported them
all to Antarctica.
 "Good job, ya idjit!" Deccy hit Blaquey with his cane. None of them
noticed Smelvis take off in a flying Saucer with Bigfoot and Batboy, the
vampiric potato-baby.

 Everyone clung to Joe's dung replacement cape to keep from falling
into the icy depths of that big ball of wetness. Soon they floated towards
land where they were greeted by a tribe of extremely friendly, generous,
good-looking, and sexually aggressive Eskimos. Everyone was clothed in warm
waterproof suits and munching on the most delicious and exotic food they
had
ever tasted.
 As everyone was cuddling with his or her new found "friend", Blaquey
the talking mime spoke up again. "Ya know, something's been bothering me.
Where did you Eskimos come from? I mean, Eskimos live by the northern pole,
not the southern one in Antarctica."
 All of the Eskimos looked at each other and said in unison,
"Oooooohhhhh yyyeeeeeeeaaaaaahhh." and vanished into thin air. Now the
group
was sitting in the barren wastes with no food and clad only in their sodden
rags.
 Deccy smacked Blaquey on the head with his cane again and, taking his
anger out on an innocent (hey, everyone needs a hobby), flung little
Maurice
as far as he could. It landed 3 feet away. As Deccy lunged forward to smack
it with his cane, an echoey *SMACK!!* was heard and a hole in the
time/space
continuum opened and a small brown object flew out of it.
 When it landed, everyone recognized it as Blaquey in his insect form!
He looked up and said, "It worked! I'm in the past! You must listen to me!
Do
NOT pass up the lost Carnival Cruise boat when it passes by just because
Kathy Lee Gifford is on board! You'll be picked up by what appears to be a
fishing boat, but the crew will turn out to be..... a ravenous pack of
WEREMEN! Deceivingly ordinary men by day, but at night they shift into Men!
We were captured and submitted to horrible experiments! Old Man Deccy was
forced to watch 'Beavis and Butthead' until his brain literally escaped!!
It
took ONE episode!!!! I only escaped by telling Image that her jeans were
making her butt look fat so she would punch me into last week!"
 "OK, OK. We'll go on the cruise ship." Joe said, picking up his
fallen turtle and trying to pack the bite hole with snow.
 "Good, I'll be safe now." said the future Blaquey.
 "But wait," the mime Blaquey said. "If we change the future how will
you be safe? You'll effectively be dead as your timeline won't exist."
 "...................... DON'T go on the cruise ship! The experiments
aren't that bad! Really!! NOOOO!!!!!" The gang looked at him for a moment
and
then headed over to the shore where the distant image of a Carnival Cruise
ship was appearing. Deccy gave the future Blaquey a swift knock on the head
with his cane and the figure faded from reality.
 "You really outta learn how to keep yer mouth shut, MimeBoy." said
Image who had sewn herself back together using a paper clip chain.
 The group eventually found itself on the ship and immediately were
trounced on by Kathy Lee with reels of movies of her son, Cody. So they
threw
her off the boat. She climbed back on. They threw her off again. She
climbed
back up again. They weighed her down with every photo, slide show slide,
and
video tape she had of Cody and threw her off. The Ocean level raised two
inches, worldwide.
 The ship eventually docked in Las Vegas, which made it a difficult
trip since Vegas is landlocked in the middle of a desert. But the group had
asked very nicely, so the Captain agreed. It would have been rude
otherwise.
So the group was back, and ready to find that cape. After they did a little
window shopping, of course. They stopped to watch some TV outside an
electronics shop. "Beavis and Butthead" was on. Deccy decided to see what
was at the NEXT store.